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27 Funny Things to Say to a Narcissist

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Unfortunately, a narcissist has landed in your life.

And while you might enjoy aspects of their personality, you’re also looking for ways to put them in their place.

That’s what we’re analyzing today: funny things to say to a narcissist.

So pull up your screen and get ready to jot down some of these witty comebacks.

In the end, you’ll be armed with plenty of witty things to say when the egomaniacs in your life are driving you insane!

How to outsmart a narcissist in conversation?

Narcissists love to play mind games.

They traffic in emotional abuse and manipulation.

They also put a lot of effort into gaslighting, so delivering a “hit” can seem unimaginable at times.

But it is possible if you have the right tools and find the right opportunities. “But if you have the right tools and find the right opportunities, it is possible.

Let’s look at some ways to outsmart and counterattack a narcissist in conversation.

  • walk away: Sometimes saying nothing is the best comeback. Walking away when they are ranting is powerful. Make sure you are safe.
  • take responsbility on: At first, this proposal may sound infuriating. At the end of the day, they’re the problem, not you! .
  • Gray Rock Them: “Gray rocking” is a psychological term for being unresponsive. You don’t have to walk away when you do that. The key is to give a blank, uncommitted, one-word response. It’s a great way to drive the narcissist crazy, diffuse the situation, and ultimately outsmart them.
  • Predict their reaction: People with narcissistic or personality disorders tend to repeat similar behaviors. So when they resolve themselves, they insert expected behaviors by saying things like, “Next is what you’re going to do.” Let them know that is in their game.

27 Laugh Out Loud Funny Things To Say To A Narcissist

1. I’m not sure about astronomy, but I’m pretty sure the sun doesn’t revolve around you.

When someone with narcissistic personality traits vents that their life isn’t going as planned, point out self-involvement with this witty line.

2. Yes, of course I would love to spend the next huge amount of time talking about you!

This expresses your frustration with constantly talking about yourself. If they’re low on the narcissistic spectrum, the conversation can turn around.

If not, they will probably feel bad. But let them.

3. Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t remember asking for your opinion.

People who think highly of themselves love to give unsolicited advice.

Let them know you’re not impressed with their “should” by making this acrimonious remark.

4. There is no doubt that you are the best at everything you do in your head.

Narcissists believe they are lovable, kind, and humble people. Inserting this line into your conversation can awaken you to how others see you: an overconfident, self-centered egomania.

5. My bad. I didn’t know your name was Google. But that’s because you seem to know everything.

How infuriating is it when you get stuck in a conversation with a megalomaniac?

Disgust with their know-it-all demeanor that this witty retort is known for.

6. Slow Down, Speedy Gonzalez!

Narcissists have a knack for rambling about the transgressions of others. When they’re ranting, use this line to let them know they’re very hypocritical.

7. You don’t have time to feed your ego right now. Could you handle it yourself?

Giving a narcissist his ego needs is tough. So if you’re having a tough day and don’t have the energy to provide what they need, ditch this quip and watch it land.

It will probably make you feel great and you deserve it!

8. Oh, I’m sorry. Did my feelings get in your way?

Narcissists are notorious for ignoring the feelings of others. They do not have the ability to put the needs of others ahead of their own. Unleash this quip when you get sick of their nonsense.

9. You are full of yourself.

This zinger knocks the narcissist off their feet.

10. Please. Please tell me where the off button is!

Sure, we’ve all monopolized conversations at some point. But narcissists do it all the time, and it’s infuriating!

Let them know their blub is enough with this funny, ego-harming quip.

11. I know you’ll go far in life – and I hope you stay there.

pain! Let the narcissist in your life know that you are not impressed with their accomplishments.

Sure, they may be impressive, but their personalities get in the way of their success.

12. When it comes to self-absorbing, Brawny Paper Towels have nothing for you!

This wordplay is fun and gets the point across. It will sting, and they will probably protest by declaring themselves the greatest givers in the world.

When that happens, point out that you prioritized your needs and desires improperly.

13. Didn’t realize you knew I was still alive!

Narcissists are often users, reaching out to people only when they need something. When the situation is reversed, they are nowhere to be found. Drop this line if they contact you out of the blue.

14. You can be an ass for the rest of your life. Can you take the day off today?

This line is good to pull out when things are serious and you need a narcissist in your life.

It’s pointed and sharp, and emphasizes the point that you’re not playing a game right now.

15. You remind me that God has a sense of humor.

If you’re bothered by a narcissist who claims to be religious, this burn will catch up quickly.

A man and a woman talking over coffee with papers on the table Funny things to say to a narcissist

They may not “get” it – or take it as a compliment.

16. Have a great day.

After you drop this bomb, get up and go outside. That would drive the point home.

A sarcastic rebuttal like this emphasizes that you’re done with their drama, ego, and general personality.

17. Here’s a steaming cup of “Get Over!”

When someone with a narcissistic personality disagrees with what you’re saying, use this sarcastic line to show them that you’re not playing their game.

18. I can agree with you, but it’s both of us wrong.

This wordplay is clever and novel. And sometimes, that’s exactly what the narcissist needs to get the message across.

19. Do you really want anyone to walk in your shoes?

People with huge self-esteem tend to believe that everyone wants what they have.

20. Tell me, how much do you like listening to yourself?

This zinger can stop a conversation in its tracks.

21. You are incredibly beautiful. Your face doesn’t need anything. However, your personality may need some work.

Many people with narcissistic personality traits are very conceited.

So why not throw in this double-edged compliment and let them know that someone’s behavior is more important to you than looks?

22. Do you know what your problem is? You!

Narcissists love to play the victim. They blame everyone but themselves.

Put this fact in their face with this witty line. That will likely stop them in their manipulative tracks.

23. Oops! I seem to have dropped some names on the floor.

A narcissist’s favorite pastime is bragging. When they’re rolling and name-dropping, pull this out for maximum impact.

24. The real heroes of this story are the people you have to interact with every day.

The narcissist has continued to tell different stories while always playing the role of the hero.

Let them know you don’t see them that way, and poop their gum.

25. That’s an interesting point of view. But let’s leave the fictional world behind and focus on reality.

Many people with narcissistic traits have delusions of grandeur. They think they are the best and are unable to admit their mistakes.

Take them away from the fairy world with this grounding retort. But don’t be surprised if you stomp like Haidajon.

26. Thank you for reminding me why I left you in the first place.

Once you have drawn this line, pack your things, turn your back and walk away. They’ll probably fight back for being childish. I left you! But deep down, cynicism like this tears their egos apart.

27. You are alone because you always act like you are the only one in the room.

Sometimes letting the narcissist know the truth is the best option.

So if the self-centered person in your life is yelling at you for being lonely and having trouble with relationships, point out the obvious.

Other related articles

31 Ridiculous Things Secret Narcissists Say In Arguments

15 Eye-popping Examples Of Text Messages From A Narcissist

All The Dirty Details Of Narcissistic Triangulation + 11 Examples Of This Toxic Manipulation Tool

9 funny things not to say to a narcissist

Using smart, witty and sarcastic lines to a narcissist makes them feel better! But egomaniacs are human too.

And most of the time they are caused by deeply buried trauma.

So it’s important to be careful. You don’t want to say anything, causing them to get away from deep inside and hurt themselves.

Woman with a small smile looking sideways at the narcissist doing something funny

After all, the goal is to get them to change (which most people can’t) or leave you alone. Don’t do devastating things to yourself or others.

With that in mind, let’s take a look at nine mean things you shouldn’t say to someone with narcissistic traits.

  1. Thanks for reminding me why everyone hates your guts.
  2. Hmmm! I want you to take a long walk from the short pier.
  3. You are a beautifully wrapped pile of junk.
  4. I can’t wait to expose all your nonsense!
  5. It’s not all about the brain, but we work from scratch.
  6. I have a knife here. Use it yourself!
  7. I hope your world explodes.
  8. Honestly, I wish you were never born.
  9. You deserve all the bad things that come before you, and I hope they keep coming.

Why Humor Is A Good Response To A Narcissist?

Viktor Borge once said, “Humor is the closest distance that brings two people together,” and it couldn’t be more true about narcissists.

Wrapping up the truth with witty banter can do a few things.

  • it highlights the absurdity: Narcissistic behavior is often silly. Sprinkling a little humor into a situation can point out the absurdity of their behavior without attacking them with malicious intent.
  • is disarmed: The narcissist has an inflated ego and takes himself too seriously. The funny thing is that by weakening your perception, you can undermine your attempts to control, manipulate, and dominate the situation.
  • It’s Distancing: Narcissistic personalities like to build intimacy. They want others to depend on them. Humor creates distance and puts the narcissist in their place. It’s a gentle reminder that they’re not as great as they think they are.

final thoughts

Dating a narcissist is tough. It can drive you crazy!

But a little humor can lighten the load. In some cases, the egomaniacs of your life may even cause you to take a step back and examine your own actions.

How do I give a narcissist a witty comeback? Read this post to learn not only this, but some funny things to say to a narcissist.

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