Home Relationship A Letter for the Socially Anxious Spouse Married to a Social Spouse

A Letter for the Socially Anxious Spouse Married to a Social Spouse

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One night my husband and I were standing together looking at the items on the store shelves. I noticed a man walking very close to us. I nervously found what I needed, smiled, and moved out of his way.As I walked away, her husband started talking to this stranger. After quite a few minutes of endless conversation, I realized that the conversation hadn’t reached its end. I practically had to separate her husband. As we walked away, I joked that I avoid social interaction at all costs, while her husband looks for opportunities to engage with other people. His words just flow off his tongue.

I do not share this same gift, and neither do you or your spouse. I don’t know who you are in this scenario, but I can probably guess that you reading this are one way and your spouse is another. I enjoy how my husband and I balance each other out, but in moments of anxiety, it’s the face of feeling like I’m failing while my husband thrives. But how can we balance each other out in a way that feels safe but doesn’t feel restrictive?

voice your fear

My husband and I have always been open and honest with each other. But there were many times when I expected him to know what was going on in my head without me telling him. increase. However, not voicing your struggles and expecting understanding from someone is a surefire way to cause hurt feelings in you or both of you.

“Share each other’s burdens and thus obey the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2 NLT

be a safe place

In return, if your spouse expresses fear, this is your chance to become a safe haven for their worries. In that moment they are clinging to you for support. Don’t dry them out or downplay their struggles with icy jokes.

“Similarly, a husband should honor his wife. She is your equal partner in this, treat her as you should so that your prayers are not hindered. Love each other like brothers and sisters.Be kind and humble.” 1 Peter 3:7-8 NLT

make a plan together

My husband and I are always planning on when to end our gatherings. I’m very bad at saying goodbye, so I need to know in advance what time frame I’m looking at and what my reasons for leaving are so I can prepare when it’s time to leave. Discuss possible conversation topics and examples of what to say in response to expected themes.

“Two people are better than one because they help each other succeed.” Ecclesiastes 4:9 NLT

Let your spouse lead

As you can imagine, my husband likes to take me to and from meetings. He has a much better way with words. As a Southerner, leaving someone’s home is never as easy as saying goodbye. He has a half hour ordeal to get out the door and another half hour in the driveway. Letting your spouse take the lead is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of your oneness as God designed it. Let him or her make the transition smooth for you both. Stick to that plan you made together before the social engagement and work together to perfect it.

“Furthermore, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

“As the Bible says, ‘A man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one.'” Ephesians 5:21, 31 NLT

(I hope you read Ephesians 5:21-33.)

Remind them how important the role of the spouse is

It’s exhausting to do all this “extra work” just to spend time with other people. It can feel like a burden at times, but we hope you understand how important your role is to us. Your piece of this puzzle is very important to us. You are my helper, just as God created Eve to be Adam’s helper. You and your needs are important to me.

said the Lord God.i will help him [one who balances him—a counterpart who is] suitable and complementary to him. ” Genesis 2:18 AMP

Encourage Your Spouse to Find Peace in Christ

There is nowhere we can go apart from the presence of God. we are never alone. We may feel lonely, as if we are drowning in fear and need for isolation. But we are held in the palm of his hand. We can find security in the ability of the Lord to care for us. It may feel like a heavy burden, but I hope you know how important you are to remind us that God has got us.

“And I am convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love. No death or life, no angels or demons, no fears today or worries tomorrow. Even the powers of hell, God’s Nothing can separate us from love, for there is no power in the sky above or on the earth below, for nothing can separate us from the love of God revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord , nothing.” Romans 8:38-39 NLT

try to understand

You understand your ability to relate and get along with others, but you may not understand how or why your spouse is uncomfortable. We understand your fear of being in the presence of others, but you may not understand how your spouse can be so at ease in this moment. find common ground for Make a decision to see your spouse’s struggles and confidence in this particular situation. Try to see life through their eyes. Remember that Heavenly Father understands you no matter which side you are on. Trust God to make a way for you in this moment and every moment after.

“As our body has many parts and each part has a special function, so does the body of Christ. We are many parts of one body and belong to each other. God in grace has given us various gifts to do certain things well, so if God gives you the ability to prophesy, then God will give you Speak with as much faith as you gave.” Romans 12:4-6 NLT


The most powerful gift that connects us directly with the Father is our prayer. Pray with your spouse. God is our help and refuge. He sees us in the middle of a struggle. We are limited in what we can do, but God is able to do so much more in abundance and will make all things better.

“And this is the trust we have in him. If we ask him anything according to his will, he will listen to us. If we know that He will listen to us when we ask, then we know that we have a request that we ask Him.” 1 John 5:14-15 ESVs

Whatever ups and downs we go through in our marriage, we must go through it together as one body before Christ. It can be difficult to understand what you haven’t experienced personally, but you can try to understand how you can help your spouse through it. You don’t have to experience it to develop hope and understanding, but you can work together to be successful.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes

Laura Spurlin is a Christian, high school sweetheart wife, mom of children, nurse, author, and the Lord has put her heart into everything about motherhood, mental health, and the word of God. I am passionate about sharing what is on the

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