“We want to have sex, but not necessarily just sex. What we want is intimacy. I feel like someone really got you, and that’s what we crave.” ~ Anonymous
I haven’t had sex in years. One day I was meditating and my mind became quiet (a very rare occurrence). Something I heard a lot growing up as a Southern Baptist.
Her breathing quickened, and her thoughts quickly ran through her. I definitely cried later, if not in that moment. I felt I was given clear direction on what to do to take my life to the next level.
The problem was that marriage wasn’t on my to-do list. If it doesn’t work out, I have to go through the legal system for dissolution.
My mind was all over the place because I also thought it meant never having sex again. But I actually listened to the message.
The first thing I revealed was that on a subconscious level, I was having sex with men before I was ready. I was afraid that if I didn’t have sex with them, they wouldn’t like me or stay with me.
I also learned that I used sex to meet my own needs. Sometimes I was lonely and wanted a hug and a hug but I didn’t tell it. rice field.
I learned that there is a belief that one’s worth is tied to one’s sexuality. I also learned that when I have sex with someone, I develop a strong attachment to that person. I couldn’t think clearly. It was no longer growth or love, it was ego. are they going to call me? do they like me I never asked myself if I liked them.
I don’t know when I’ll be sexually active again, but I know this: I’ve redefined my definition of marriage to be one of spiritual partnership. not, but a union in which the soul is bound regardless of how long it flows. And that’s what I’m waiting for now.
For me, this non-legal marriage is about growing up. A safe place to assess whether the relationship should be continued. Maybe with weekly or monthly check-ins. If it feels right, keep moving forward. If someone decides it’s not working for some reason, move on. People grow and change. Sometimes they grow together, sometimes they grow apart. Without this lower-layer pressure to stay connected to someone your 20-year-old self has attracted.
A spiritual partnership is a safe place where we can be our authentic selves. We encourage and support each other. Explore our sexuality. There is a sense of security when you tell the other person what you like and what you don’t like. It is safe for us to say and share what we think and feel. You may find that this type of spiritual partnership lasts much longer than most marriages.
Another lesson I’ve learned since getting the message about not having sex is that I always thought sex was something you had to do. . It turns out that you can. I’ve become more comfortable with my body and what I like and what makes me feel good. I became more confident and learned that my worth and worth had nothing to do with my sexuality.
I also learned patience, trust and surrender. We tend to calm down because of fear. This is what I want to challenge.
I want to see what it’s like to wait. If I don’t jump on someone who shows an interest in me because I’m afraid to be alone, I have to be patient in believing that I can eventually have a meaningful relationship.
I know my body is sacred. I would love to share this with someone and give it as a gift. They want to wait until they have a spiritual partnership to have sex, not because someone told them to. By not having sex, I learned to love myself, developed my own beliefs outside of the religion I grew up in, and was able to grow into someone I liked and respected.
If you find yourself having thoughts like “Men are always taking advantage of me”, “There are no good men”, or “I feel like I am being taken advantage of”, keep quiet and ask yourself strongly recommended. What role am I playing in this? What am I doing to create this reality for myself? How can I get different results?
About Katie Creel
Katie Creel has been an RN for 18 years.she is the owner of Orenda Life Coaching, LLCshe practices as a Certified Health and Life Coach and a Certified Creative Insight Journey Instructor. She teaches tools and exercises that help you regain your intuition and creativity.