So you threw yourself into the modern dating pool, right? You are brave, brave soul.
See, I know meeting new people, dating, and finding out if you like the person sitting across from you. Not to mention dating advice constantly offered by caring friends and meddling strangers, advice that promises eternal love but only brings frustration.
But before you despair, try to open up a little.
Instead of trying to understand all that is necessary, do or say I want you to start thinking about dating more who you want to be To attract the right people into your life.
It’s not about saying the right lines or sending the perfect text at the perfect time.
It’s about understanding who you are, finding ways to express it, and inviting the right people into your life first.
Let’s dive in.
how to make yourself more attractive
A lot of dating advice tells you how to look at yourself a certain way, talk a certain way, or act a certain way to make yourself more attractive.
But none of these things mean anything without a healthy, attractive personality and emotional foundation for a lifestyle.
Here are some ways to actually make yourself more attractive.
stop annoying behavior
Necessity is the root of all unattractive behavior.
Necessity is prioritizing what others think of you over what you think of yourself.
It all depends on your intentions.
Do you want to impress others and make them like you in whatever you do?
Or are you truly expressing yourself in an attempt to connect with someone else, and the other person either accepts it or walks away?
This is why dating advice is focused. what What to say or do or how to act or whatever completely misses the point. If you’re in trouble and want someone else to like you or try to impress you, it doesn’t matter what you say.
get your shit together
Alright, it’s time for some tough love: no one wants to date a project.
I’m not saying you have to be perfect in every aspect of your life. But if you have emotional issues, health issues, financial issues, work issues, or major family issues, it is much better to deal with those areas first before involving others. Excellent.
A few big areas to focus on if you haven’t already:
- the health of your body. Eat right. Please move your body a little more. And have a good night’s sleep.
- your mental health. Take control of the stress in your life. Find a way to blend in more naturally. If you have lingering emotional issues that you don’t understand, see a therapist.
- your finances. Get your financiers in order. Build some savings. repay the debt. Learn the basics of investing.
- Your jobNo one likes to hear someone constantly complaining about their job. If you don’t like your current job, start looking for a new one.
Many of these don’t directly help you date more people, but they often stand in the way of building healthy connections and relationships with many people.
So take care of them.
Last week, 89 people achieved breakthroughs. Are you one of them this week?
No spam or unexpected emails. ever.
how to date the right person
Dating apps, meetup groups, local clubs and organizations, dance classes, yoga classes, pottery classes, all classes…and much more.
All of these are great ways to meet people, but I think a lot of people expect these to be some kind of magic bullet. It means that you have to work to find the right person.
No matter how you choose to meet new people, there are a few things to keep in mind.
In my book on dating and attraction, modelhas an entire chapter devoted to leveraging “demographics” to find people who are ever so compatible.
The concept of demographics in the context of dating is simple. Like attracts like.
This includes your lifestyle, your beliefs about others/the world, your values, and yes, your age, money, looks, etc.
(A quick side note: Age, money, and looks are important, but how important they are varies from person to person. See Chapter 7 of my book. model For more information. )
Basically, demographics in this context largely determine the types of people you end up dating.
For example, if you’re an intelligent introvert with a deep interest in abstract concepts and you’re looking for a companion with similar values, you might want to date a club-hopping party animal with no open books. It probably won’t work out that way since high school.
Chemistry and Compatibility in Dating
I’ve written more extensively on chemistry and compatibility in dating and relationships, but briefly:
- chemistry It is an emotional connection that exists when two people are together. Advanced chemistry brings out the warm and vague emotions of each person. On the other hand, two people who are not compatible do not feel the “spark” in each other.
- compatibility It’s a lifestyle choice and a natural match between two people’s values. This includes everything from when you want to stay up late to your political and religious views.
Relationships that are both compatible and compatible are the healthiest and most fulfilling.
If you just have incompatible chemistry, it usually turns into a toxic relationship roller coaster.
If you don’t have a lot of chemistry and you just have a good chemistry, the relationship will get bored quickly.
There are a few things you can do to identify the right type of person for you.
Know your boundaries and stick to them
Boundaries are like invisible walls that protect our mental health. They help us define what we are happy with, what we are not happy with, and what we need from our partner to feel safe and loved.
However, many of us struggle with setting and enforcing boundaries.
They fear rejection and conflict, or lack the communication skills to effectively express their needs. But failing to establish clear boundaries can lead to all sorts of problems, including resentment, insecurity, and even abuse.
Setting healthy boundaries means:
- take responsibility for one’s actions and feelings. and no Taking responsibility for someone else’s actions or feelings, or expecting them to take responsibility for their own actions or feelings.
- Recognizing and responding to red flagsIf you’re dating someone who ignores your needs, downplays your feelings, or breaks boundaries, take action. At the very least, that means having a candid conversation about their behavior. If nothing changes, it’s best to walk away at that point.
Of course, people are people and you can’t expect everything to match 100% of the time. Establishing healthy boundaries is understanding what to compromise on and what not to compromise on.
But if someone is trampling your boundaries and you’ve only recently started dating, well, do you really think it will get better over time?
Remember that your emotional well-being is your number one priority and not worth sacrificing for someone who doesn’t respect you.
By asserting your boundaries clearly, you can attract partners who share your values and priorities and build fulfilling and sustainable relationships.
I wish you the best.