“Strong minds take the most wounds.” ~Unknown
Ever since I was a kid, I hated pain. I’ve been trying to avoid it for as long as I can remember. The physical pain was unpleasant, but the mental pain was real torture. Sometimes it’s easier to quarrel and stop communicating than to have a challenging conversation.
Emotionally detaching and withdrawing from painful experiences has been my de facto subconscious strategy. Still, I kept chasing my goals and succeeded, but I didn’t find it painful because I used passion and bravado to get me through the long, grueling hours of work.
If I am not avoiding pain, I am denying it. It cost. When I ignored the painful feeling, my whole body became numb. Denying the unpleasant feelings made me blind to all sensations.
Avoiding the dentist can lead to more problems down the road and result in large bills. By avoiding difficult scenarios or getting bored, I sacrificed passions and hobbies that might have led to alternative careers and creative outlets.
This continued until one day I realized I had no busy work or distractions during my career break. A whole army of feelings and emotions came at once, unable to hide in anything that filled the time. Bottled monsters fled, dams burst, and castles came under attack.
It was overwhelming and scary. In coaching training, I remembered that sensory adaptation kicks in at some point, and I tried everything. I meditated for hours, watching my emotions rise and fall like the tides of the ocean. Eventually the monster withered and the flood dried up.
Recognizing that there is a problem is the first step to solving it. I realized that this is not how I want to continue living. After learning more about how the mind works, I became aware of my behavioral patterns. The Enneagram Type 7 is a perfect representation of how the Enneagram, or Epicurean, has performed the ‘I’ which is motivated by a desire to be happy and to avoid discomfort.
Until then, I had accepted my pain-avoidance pattern as an unchangeable status quo. I wasn’t looking at reality the other way. Over time, I’ve learned that pain isn’t what the bogeyman should be afraid of.
Pain became my teacher, an early warning and motivator when something was going wrong. Receiving praise and encouragement for good behavior is not the only way to learn. A participation-based society creates a false sense of entitlement and stunts our personal growth.
Teacher pain can resolve unproductive behaviors and problems almost instantly. Cruel as it may be, these lessons are long remembered and sometimes held for the rest of our lives. A perfect example of this is how Tony Robbins made his clients associate nausea and fear of his ringing voice with cigarettes, making his early achievements as a smoking cessation coach.
To be clear, I’m not suggesting that you should intentionally hurt yourself or others as a teaching tool. However, pain and discomfort can lead to growth and should be avoided.
Once I learned to appreciate and respect my pain, I was able to slow down and learn more of what it taught me.
Our bodies communicate through our senses. Pain is one of the common languages your body uses to instantly understand that something is wrong. It can also represent both your body and mind, as our emotional and bodily circuits are interconnected. Taking Panadol reduces the pain of social rejection It also cures headaches.
Language is what connects us with other humans. Sharing painful experiences needs no explanation. They are understood on a deeper level. Compassion comes from the language of pain, being able to appreciate what others are going through.
What would our lives be like if we never experienced pain? Without an early warning system, broken bones would not hurt and could ultimately lead to fatal infections. I have. A serious illness may go unnoticed until the person dies. congenital insensitivity to pain It is a very rare disease affecting 1 in 25,000 newborns. It is also very dangerous and most affected people do not survive childhood.
If you take pain out of its emotionally intolerable nature, it essentially becomes a sensation. Experienced meditators can attest that pain in the knees and back during a long sitting meditation session will eventually fade the emotional background and reveal the true nature of the pain.
Learning the language of pain took time. Shortness of breath, sore muscles, and anxiety before a performance are good pains. Sharp joint pain and discomfort provoke a devastating flight-or-fight response in other animals.
Good pain makes us want to experience more. Encourages gradual growth by forming a habit of seeking familiar sensations. Its bad cousin either cripples us if left unnoticed or overwhelms us and teaches despair.
You can’t skip pain school. Disease cannot be summoned or cheated away. The teacher’s pain will keep calling our names until we come to the lesson. Avoiding it will end up costing you more in the end. While feeding the bottled monster, one day it transforms into the fearsome Godzilla.
Hiding from it is pointless. Just as the Buddha learned of death, sickness and old age despite the best efforts of her parents, we all have to accept that it will always be present in our lives.
As I walk through life’s journey, I realize that sometimes I have no choice but to face my pain. It can be nasty and scary, but if I don’t confront the monster, it will never go away.
The adage “the only solution is to get through” is true. The next level of personal growth must occur through discomfort. These victories may not be visible to others, but they are of special value to us.
It may sound like you’ve mastered the art of dealing with your discomfort and have stopped caring about your pain. that’s not true. Lessons learned from pain remain difficult.
As much as I didn’t want to sit through a difficult lesson, I’ve learned to respect and pay attention to the presence of pain. Knowing that it is impossible to be invincible, I have learned to recognize the challenge and see it as a catalyst for growth.
Anticipating pain keeps you motivated to avoid it and learn on your own. Perhaps I will never be able to endure pain like some people can. I’m probably wired that way. But nature can always compensate with nurture. Recovering, accepting, and accepting the bad things make it a worthwhile learning experience.
in her influential book positive side of stress, psychologist Kelly McGonigal challenged the conventional notion that stress kills. This research shows that how we perceive stress can turn negative emotions into positive ones. Pain looks the same.
We cannot choose which part of the human experience we want to face. It is tempting to eat only cherries on the cake of life, but it does not allow us to fully appreciate life. we have to accept it all. Without pain we know no joy. Without the discomfort of ignorance, there is no bliss of knowledge.
About Jay Martinov
Jay Martynov is an IT professional, blogger and coach. He helps people manage stress, build resilience, and build purposeful lives. Jay’s coaching is based on understanding behavioral patterns, effective routines and actionable practical steps using the Enneagram.More information can be found on Jay’s website www.jaymartynov.com
