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Let Go of Fear and Learn to Be Intentional

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Note: This is a guest post from Sarah Horgan. Simple + Intentional.

“Deliberate days create a purposeful life.” — Adrian Enns

I grew up without knowing how to be intentional. I don’t think I even knew what that word meant. In fact, most of the decisions I’ve made in my life were completely unintentional, if at all.

Maybe you who are reading this can relate too. Or vice versa, maybe someone in your life has driven a bus. Do you make many decisions with a specific goal in mind? Want what’s best for you, but take control instead of involving you in the process.

You will go to law school, earn a lot of money and buy a big house. Get married, have children, and grow. And maybe you achieved those goals but felt empty. Not in alignment with who you are.

These are two stories that I hear over and over again. Either life happened to happen to you, or some serious goal was set, but it wasn’t your goal. The desire to please others more than ourselves, to act in a way that is liked, and to achieve success that we believe will bring us happiness sets the course. Neither was intentional.

Fear is not the root of intentional life

I’m the first I had very little guidance, the decisions I made were entirely up to me and were rooted in a desire to make others proud of me. I hadn’t developed the skills to think positively or dig deep into what I really wanted. Beyond security. Fear was the main driving force for me. It’s okay to seek comfort, seek security, find security, pursue love.

But fear is not the root of growth. It’s not a place to create life. It weighs you down and leaves you stuck. And since I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, I’ve gotten out of it.

With this diagnosis, I began to understand some big ideas that would change my life.

perfect + nice

I have long identified as a perfectionist. He thought he was a “nice guy” and that he was liked. But what I didn’t delve into was the realization that perfectionism isn’t actually a good thing. People don’t like it.

It seemed like you were setting a high bar, but having high standards isn’t a bad thing, right? And of course I want to be kind! But both of these problems undermine our ability to live purposefully and be ourselves.

Living means taking action. And perfectionism is the biggest obstacle to action. Because perfection never exists. So if we are never satisfied with what we create, we fail to launch. And pleasing puts the feelings and needs of others ahead of your own. It is a never-ending hustle of acceptance.

Let’s think about it. not Are you a perfectionist and did it to please people?

  • Publish and share all kinds of creative projects
  • Taking risks and sharing opinions in social situations
  • Dress according to how you feel, not what you think you should wear
  • Chase your dreams because it’s “silly” or your loved ones won’t accept it

Or have you spent too much time and energy trying to achieve perfection and be accepted?

  • How your house or car looks like
  • your appearance.clothing, makeup, hair, etc.
  • Children’s extracurricular activities
  • Your job title, where you live, the size of your house
  • people spending time together
  • how to use time

How to live more purposefully

In order to live a more purposeful life grounded in what is important to us (as individuals), we must abandon our need for external evaluation. So how do we do that?

Practice thinking new thoughts and pondering what matters most to you through small, deliberate actions. And it’s a process.

“An unintentional life accepts everything and does nothing. An intentional life contains only that which furthers an important mission.” —John C. Maxwell

We’re not going to let go of our perfectionist tendencies and our desire to please others overnight, but what we can do overnight is choose new coping strategies.

think of new ideas

When we are tempted to say yes instead of no, or when we are completely stuck, we can tell ourselves something different. like:

  • Better to be done than perfect
  • Making mistakes is how I grow
  • My looks don’t determine my worth
  • I love you no matter what
  • I create my best life by taking action
  • It’s okay to say no.Saying yes to important things
  • I can’t do it all.need to say no
  • If everything matters, than nothing

understand what we want

It also requires a deep understanding of what we actually want. And while this looks easy, it really isn’t. Especially if you have never practiced thinking before. You may not know what you want at all. So you have to try and know something.

What are you attracted to doing? Volunteer, be more active, build community or be creative? How would you like to do those things?

From here you can let go of perfectionism and take action to please people. discover new things, be open, make a decision.

small deliberate action

This is how I came up with minimalism. Because the more decisions I made, the more I knew what was important. And the more I understood what was important, the less I had to cling. I learned what my stuff stood for: my fear. So the less fear I had, the more I was able to get rid of.

I have said to myself many times. “Better done than perfect. It’s okay to be wrong. You’re safe.” So what happens when you let go of what you need? The world is full of things, and they can be found. I learned to trust myself and knew I was right when I felt like letting something go. I learned what made my life better and what got in the way.

And behind it all there was freedom. Freedom of mind, freedom of space, freedom of time. No more spending weekends cleaning and organizing. I didn’t feel anxious about things going wrong. I felt more at peace and finally had time to pursue what was meaningful to me.

Ironically, I had less, and all that feeling of scarcity remained with me. The less clingy you feel, the more confident and secure you will feel. I was empowering myself. I was starting to create my life instead of just getting up every day. And it allowed me to be who I am. I am not pretending to be who I really am and striving for love and acceptance.

If you can relate to this. Have you ever felt your heart skip a beat or nodded once while reading? Try it!

  • let go of something
  • put yourself out there
  • show up for you
  • try fucking

I promise it’s worth the risk. Gratitude, peace, fulfillment, purpose and love rest here. It took me death to get here, and there were many hardships along the way, but I am grateful for all of them.

So ask yourself what to do you want? and chase it. Don’t worry about what other people think. Because this is your life, not theirs. And you get it, so create it with the intention of being the best it can be.

***

Sarah Hogan is a coach, wife, mother and cancer survivor. She can see more of her work. Simple + Intentional, an inspirational blog about learning how to choose what is important to you and let go of the rest. I encourage you to follow her on her Instagram here.

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