“Without forgiveness, life is ruled by an endless cycle of resentment and retribution.” ~Roberto Assagioli
When I was little, I wondered what kind of person my father would be. was he a nice guy? what did he look like was he thinking of me? did he love me
But most of all, I wondered why he left.
I once made up a story about him—once I imagined him to be a voyager who traveled to foreign lands and brought me a small gift for each new place he visited. Did. He met locals and learned new trades and languages. He told them how much he loved and missed me and how he couldn’t wait to get home.
Another time he was a doctor stationed abroad, helping to heal sick and needy children.
I liked to imagine him as someone far away, out of reach, doing important work. But the reality was not as heroic as I had imagined.
I first spoke to my father when I was a teenager and learned that he lived in another state and ran his own business.
He remarried and divorced just like my mother, but no longer had children. When I asked him why he left, his answer was simple. Either she raises you without my help or I raise you without her help. Emotionally. financially. All. I needed a clean break.”
my heart dropped
He was not a doctor who would save sick children.
He was not a voyager exploring new lands and thinking of me.
Instead, he was just a dude. A man who decided to divorce filed for both his wife and daughter.
Overwhelming sadness filled the air around me and disappointment set in. I was neither expecting nor prepared for his nonchalant answer. Her father’s love, warmth, guidance, protection, and encouragement, all of which vanished in an instant.
And instead there was the sky.
Still, I longed to connect with him. Growing up without a father made him feel somehow incomplete, like he was missing something accessible to everyone around him.
I thought that if I could prove that I was worthy and worthy of his love and affection, he would never leave me again. I thought he would work hard to make up for all the years he missed as a father. So I asked him if I could visit and he agreed.
He booked me a ticket and months later I was flying alone to meet him. I was nervous and anxious. His palms were sweaty and his hands were trembling. does he like me do we get along? Will I finally be able to be a father?
I could barely mumble a hello when he picked me up from the airport.
“Hi” I stuttered.
“Hey, come on in, the traffic is really bad right now,” he said as he opened the truck’s passenger side door.
Everything about him was different than I imagined. He wasn’t as chatty and full of stories as I thought he was. Instead, he was quiet, observant, and somewhat withdrawn. However, he was welcoming and helpful throughout my stay.
As my father and I got to know each other, his girlfriend distanced herself from our conversations and company. But when I got home from the trip, I learned that she had given my father an ultimatum. He is furious with her and said he would never choose her relationship over her daughter.
In an instant I felt justified. I felt important. And for the first time in my life, I felt my father’s love and protection.
But those feelings were short-lived. When I tried to contact my father again, I couldn’t get through. he had changed his number. He no longer responds to my emails. He went completely off the grid again.
I felt crushed, confused and distraught. The man I had long glorified and thought would love and care for me instead turned his back and walked away without even saying goodbye.
For a while I was devastated. i was angry I was filled with resentment. I was filled with hate. And I was sad because I didn’t understand what I had done and why he didn’t want me in his life.
The negative feelings I had towards my father were then projected onto my relationships with men.
I found myself involved with unavailable men who were emotionally unstable and usually much older than me. Relationships were toxic, riddled with trust issues, quarrels, and a lack of appreciation. And each time we broke up, I felt more broken and worthless, as if I had experienced my father’s rejection over and over again.
After a particularly vulgar relationship marked by episodes of emotional abuse and physical violence, I knew I had to leave. I knew I had to learn to let go of the past. It was haunted by my present, so I allowed my father to leave.
All the repressed feelings I felt for my father were repeated over and over again in my daily life, like lessons waiting to be learned. And because I hadn’t forgiven my father, I couldn’t move forward with my life, imprisoning myself in the process.
So I sat down and prayed for guidance. I asked for help. for redirection. A voice in my head said, We forgive others for ourselves. ”
At that moment I knew what I had to do. I had to release my anger. I had to let go of my frustration. I had to let go of my grief. I had to unlock the door and I was left in jail.
My lips opened symphonically and the following words overflowed. Forgive me for rejecting me. Forgive me for choosing her girlfriend over me. I’m sorry that I’ve been holding such negative feelings for so long. I wish you the best in your life. I wish your happiness. I want you to love me I wish you prosperity. I will free you from my wrath and I will free myself. ”
After that, my whole life changed. A weight was lifted off my shoulders and my heart was at peace. I felt happy. I felt free.
When it comes to forgiveness, we each have a responsibility to free ourselves because no one else can do it. Forgiveness is the key to self-help, unlock your personal prison today And now you can be free… Are you ready?
Method is as follows.
Let go of the ‘justified’ apology
When I first met my father, I was sure he would apologize profusely to me, cry and beg for forgiveness. However, reality did not match my expectations. Not only did he not apologize, he didn’t ask for my forgiveness. In his mind, what he did made sense at the time and he had no reason to say sorry.
As I got older, I began to understand the saying, “Life happens, everyone makes mistakes.” And it’s true. No one is perfect in decision making. Mistakes are often the quickest to learn from.
I don’t know why my dad left home, but I do understand how overwhelming parenthood can be, especially when you’re in your young 20s. We grow up in a harsh environment (like my father) and understand how if we don’t let go of the past it can negatively affect our lives and decisions now and in the future.
Some people don’t say sorry. Some people don’t believe they were wrong. But it doesn’t matter. An apology doesn’t prove you—you prove yourself. Don’t wait for someone to apologize, hold a grudge until they do.
you know why?
Whoever feels your anger, your frustration, your hatred anger, youpulsating hostile emotions emotions thoughts your A bloodstream like poison, and you become the host that keeps that poison alive.
Instead of waiting for an apology or expecting an apology to come, understand that it may never happen. Your life and happiness don’t depend on someone apologizing. Your life and happiness depend on you, no one else.
find a lesson
Cheer up in difficult times! Because these hard times are just life events that allow you to exercise your internal muscles.The more life throws at you, the stronger you become.
Without my father, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Without him, I wouldn’t have the same perspective and appreciation for life, love, and relationships. Because it taught me why forgiveness is important. It made me appreciate life more, empathize with others, and love more. I will be forever grateful for that.
Sometimes something happens and we don’t understand why. Sometimes people hurt us. Life and its circumstances can seem unfair. But the truth is that every experience we have in life is meant to guide, teach, and redirect us.
So, whenever you find yourself in a place where you are feeling angry, resentful, or outraged, take a step back and ask yourself what you can learn from this experience. You will understand.
take back your power
The misery after being abandoned by my father was heartbreaking. my soul was hurt. My body was tormented. my heart shattered. I was powerless when I lost his father because I associated his actions with my worth, happiness and purpose.
But we cannot control the actions of others. They live their lives the best way they know how. We can only control how we react to them, and we choose to empower or depower ourselves with our reactions.
Sadness, sadness, and anger are all normal emotions. They help us make sense of the world around us and build our emotional intelligence. So I’m not suggesting that you repress your emotions, but I’m suggesting that you evaluate them.
Ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?” And if your answer is “Because BLANK BLANKED HER”, ask yourself, “What can I do to move my life forward?”
Create a strategy and timeline for how you can move forward and be ready to take action.
forgive
“Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having a different past.” ~ Anne Lamott
After forgiving my father, I was able to move forward with my life and my relationships with men in a positive and loving way. . Nor did it ask for verification from outside sources. Instead, I found inner peace, happiness, and love.
Forgiveness is the final step in this healing process. Letting go of the painful past paves the way for a bright and hopeful present and future. Our thoughts, feelings, actions and behaviors are aligned with our newly liberated state of being, making us happier, healthier and more positive.
Forgiveness is the ultimate expression of love and one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves and others.
Practicing these methodologies allowed me to climb the ladder to forgiveness.Each one was a significant rung that I had to go through and consciously step up. I got my strength back. The most important part is that he didn’t change, apologize, or live up to my glory.
About Antarsha Durbin
Antasha Durbin is a spiritual writer, cosmic lifelong student, and psychic Tarot card reader. her website, cajspirituality.com, is dedicated to casualizing the spiritual experience and making it attainable for anyone, anywhere, anytime. Follow her for free, digestible and highly actionable advice on spirituality, mindfulness and empowered her life.
