There’s a lot of advice out there for building healthy relationships. Some resonate, some don’t. Remember: Every relationship is different! But in all relationships, both parties need to feel respected, cared for, and supported. You’ll find it to be an absolute game changer for In case you haven’t heard of it yet? I’m about to dive deep, so buckle up.
If you read my recent article on mental strain, consider this a sequel.We have received so many notes from readers who resonate with the idea of helping mothers recognize the signs of burnout before it’s too late. Now it’s time to navigate many of these topics. rice field with your partner Adopt a fair play system.
The image above is by Michelle Nash.
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What is fair play system?
fair play system It is defined as a system that helps you and your partner build a supportive and equitable partnership. This method is based on a game created by Eve Rodsky. The game is becoming more and more popular among parents around the world who try to divide household chores evenly based on each parent’s strengths and time. The important part? The goal is to do so without resentment.
I find that visual representations of the work that each member of the family is working on is an effective way of drawing attention to each other’s responsibilities. We often hear partners defensively declaring, “I will help!” And start rattling off the list of tasks they do. As a result, what I’ve found is that this usually leads to arguments. At this time, it can be difficult to collect all the tasks, especially as a mother who can’t see most of them.
My own recent example was the task of creating “holiday magic”. It looks different in each home, and boy is it a tough job. From removing holiday decorations from the hut to dealing with Christmas cards, planning social dates, and meeting Santa. (Not to mention cleaning everything in January.) By the end of the season, this mom has spent.
fair play system
The fair play method is deck of playing cards you go with your partner. Whether you’re newlyweds, live-in partners, or have recently changed roles in your life, this will help.
- step 1: Sit with your partner for an hour when you feel relaxed and in a good mood (food and drink can help).
- step 2: Lay out all the task cards, select only those that apply to your family, and take turns deciding which tasks to fully own.
- Step 3: Getting a Unicorn Space card gives you time and space to develop and pursue activities and skills that bring you joy, like learning a new language, playing music, or training for a marathon.
Important points of the fair play system
conceive, plan, execute
A few things stood out when Tyler and I did this exercise.First of all, taking full ownership of a task means that it is yours from start to finish and no other partner has to be asked or nudged to do it. There is no. Deck defines it as concept, plannedWhen execution.
Minimum standards of care
Another standout realization was about the tough dialogue that came with making. minimal careLet’s be honest, we’ve all had moments where we ask our partners to do something, but when they do it, it’s not up to our standards. and puff, we’ll do it again behind them.
Instead, talk about what a minimum standard of care looks like. For example, Tyler is responsible for grocery shopping and our minimum care standard is that healthy options for the family and specific snacks for children are included. Go to the grocery store twice a week on the same day. When he went shopping, he didn’t get frustrated because he always had the items he needed.
Now here comes the tricky part. Once you’ve established that minimum, you need to give your partner the freedom to do it with their own approach. Please! If you try to micromanage all the time, you won’t be able to unload. Let Dad do it Dad’s style. Perfectionism is a trap, and having standards gives you freedom and flexibility.
Disclaimer: Not all cards in the deck align with family values. You may need to add a few cards to your deck. For example, I wanted to add ‘pack the diaper bag’ or ‘prepare the bag to leave the house with the kids’. .
Beyond Fair Play Methods
What happens after the game? Is it the end of the struggle? Absolutely not. Even after you finish exercising, there will be moments of introspection. This is healthy and encouraging!
This is the situation I found after diving into the fair play system. Tyler and I agreed to his 60/40 split, but despite agreeing, I still felt resentment at the amount of labor I was doing. For me, I’ve noticed two things are missing.Initially recognitionAgain, society and so many people do not recognize or appreciate women’s invisible labor and the value it brings to family life. I asked him to recognize me more and tell me how much he values my labor.
The second part was incorporated common senseIf you see your partner working hard while you’re chilling even though you’re not doing anything, simply ask, “How can I support you?” why do not you?
Most of the time I don’t need his help. I like to put out all my holiday decorations, but I feel like I’m being watched when asked. The same task reflects the meaning of partnership. We may share the burden with each other.
I highly recommend partners around the world to try this method! It really helped reduce my family’s resentment and ease my mental burden. I hope you will.