“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weak or damaged. Feeling intense is not a symptom of weakness, but a trademark of a truly alive and caring person.” ~Anson・Saint Martin
Like a red ball of poker, there are words that are painfully etched in our memory. For me as an adult, the phrase was “You are too sensitive.”
I have often fumbled out of shame to understand this word after someone threw it at me with ruthlessness and superiority as a means of justifying their cruelty.
They may have said something malicious or condescending in private, or they may have told embarrassing or outright lies about me in public.
Either way, the result was the same. I take it personally and am emotionally overwhelmed and then either burst into anger or sob.
But cruelty wasn’t the only thing that aroused my susceptibility, nor did I cry only when apparently provoked.
Well-meaning people were usually kind to me, but they were gentle reminders that I was too sensitive when I over-analyzed the trivialities of others. For example, taking a long time to call me back, or “grimacing” after I say something. The idea sounded silly.
Or when I heed criticism, when I struggled to let go of something painful, or when I experienced other people’s pain so deeply and intensely as if it were my own, they gave me an insight into my character. It may bring out this wise observation.
It was as if the world was watching that something was clearly wrong with me. But I couldn’t seem to change the way I perceive, experience, or react to life.
Little did they know how deeply this sensitivity extends far below the surface.
They did not know that my mind is a constant web of reflections related not only to my own experiences, but also to the suffering of all those around me.
They didn’t know how often I felt exhausted and overstimulated, or that just appearing in a crowded or noisy environment required tremendous physical strength (I Growing up in a family, I had to scrape it often).
They had no idea how often I was feeling stressed, anxious and jumpy because my nervous system was so tense.
And I didn’t know there was a biological explanation for all this. It wasn’t until years, actually decades later, that I discovered the term “highly sensitive person.” And I finally understood that my brain actually processes information and reflects it more deeply than non-HSP brains.
Over the years, I have learned to accept that some of my traits and behaviors are just part of being a highly sensitive human being.
We found that HSP has the following characteristics:
- Highly sensitive and empathetic
- feel it all deeply
- Ability to absorb other people’s emotions and know when something is wrong
- Understand subtleties that others may miss
- Increased intuition
- Easily drained or overwhelmed by noisy, chaotic, or overstimulated environments
I also learned that some of my previous behavior was in response to my sensitivity. For example:
- Overanalyze what others say or do
- internalize judgment as truth
- Judging your own needs instead of respecting them
- Drinking to numb yourself in an overly stimulating environment rather than avoiding it or making an effort to be grounded
- Ignoring intuition about people and situations that aren’t good for you
- Taking on the Pain of Others Instead of Setting Boundaries
I’m no expert in navigating life as a highly sensitive person, but I know I’ve come a long way over the years. I still feel this world and my emotions intensely. But I’m less like a rag doll hit by a roaring tornado than a deep-rooted tree that may lose some of its leaves but can endure a terrible storm. I feel
I took care of myself, respected my needs, and stopped caring about what other people thought of me. And I usually don’t judge myself as harshly as I used to.
Not only does it help to have a toolbox for self-care, such as meditation, nature walks, and long baths, but it also helps to have a treasure trove of lessons to remember whenever your sensitivity is dulled. .
If what I’ve shared resonates with you, and if you often feel exhausted, embarrassed, or criticized, perhaps these memories can help you now or in the future. not.
when you feel tired
1. You are only responsible for your feelings. You can’t take away someone else’s pain, and if you do, you’re robbing them of their opportunity to grow.
2. You don’t have to solve other people’s problems. Just listening is enough, but listen for as long as possible before listening too much.
3. Don’t put yourself in an overstimulating environment. Choosing to do something different doesn’t make it weirder or less fun.
4. It’s not worth forcing yourself to do something if you know it’s not going to be fun and exhausting.
5. You can choose to listen to your instincts instead of your fears. If you feel the need to quit but are worried about how you’ll be seen, focus on voices who know what’s best for you.
6. Others and external circumstances will only wear you out if left alone. You have the ability and right to set boundaries at any time.
7. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
8. Sleep is not a luxury. To deal with the many emotionally exhausting parts of life, you need to get enough rest.
9. The most important question you can ask yourself at any time, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed, is, “What do I need now?”
10. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Even five minutes of calming exercises like deep breathing and yoga can make a big difference.
when you feel embarrassed
11. You cannot control or change that you have a highly sensitive nervous system. We also cannot avoid processing everything deeply and experiencing emotions intensely. If you’re not ashamed of your hair or eye color, why should you be ashamed of something else by nature?
12. Sensitivity is not a weakness. It is the source of your understanding, compassion, depth, creativity, and in fact it means it is your strength.
13. There is nothing “wrong” with you and you deserve to be loved and respected for who you are.
14. You are not alone. According to psychologist Elaine Aaron, I wrote a book about HSPhighly sensitive people make up 15-20 percent of the population.
15. You don’t deserve it if others are ashamed of your sensitivity or your inability to deal effectively due to your lack of further knowledge.
16. Your shame comes from the stories you tell about yourself. change the story Always be more considerate.
17. You don’t have to “fix” your emotional intensity. Just observing your own emotions makes you less likely to get caught up in them.
18. You are not what you do. If you’ve become emotionally overwhelmed or overstimulated and have done something you regret doing, you can simply apologize, forgive yourself, learn from the experience, and move on.
19. Crying is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it helps release stress and pent-up emotions. Allowing your weaknesses to cry instead of resisting them is a sign of immense courage.
20. If you sit with your shame instead of trying to numb it, eventually it will seep into you. No feelings last forever.
when you feel judged
21. For every person who may criticize you, there is someone who loves, appreciates, and accepts you for who you are.
22. Not everyone needs to understand you or like you. You just need to understand yourself and have compassion.
23. What other people think of you is their job, and their opinions and judgments will only hurt you if you let them.
24. Just because someone says you’re “too sensitive” doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong or need to change.
25. If other people don’t care about you, you’re missing out on opportunities to develop deep and meaningful relationships with people who are always there for you and never hurt or judge you.
26. When someone evaluates you, it reflects where you are in life and development, not who you are as a person.
27. Just because someone disrespected your feelings doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid.
28. If someone ignores your feelings or violates your boundaries, you have the right to end the conversation at any time.
29. If someone constantly belittles you, disrespects you, or hurts you, it’s okay to walk away from the relationship.
30. Because it’s just you idea Someone is criticizing you, but that doesn’t mean they are. Their silence, distance, and mood may have nothing to do with you.
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Of course, it’s much easier to write down a list of lessons than to remember the most useful lessons at the moment. I have struggled to recall these insights many times, both in the distant past and recently. But it doesn’t aim for perfection. Like everything in life, it’s about awareness and practice.
If you read it, print it out, and keep it in a place where you will see it often, you will probably be able to imprint these thoughts into your memory, even if they are not as deep as the criticisms you have heard over the years.
If you only have one idea per day, do this:
We are not defective. There is no need to harden or thicken the skin. You don’t have to “shake up” or “get bored” or stop caring deeply.
The world does not need more vigilant people armed with indifference and bitterness. The world needs more people who are open, reflective, unafraid to feel and love, full of empathy and kindness.
The world asks me to see beauty that others may not see and to create beauty that might never have existed had we not filtered life through a kaleidoscope of our own unique perspectives. We need sensitive souls.
But we can only be the best for ourselves if we value ourselves, even if others have different needs. Whether we value ourselves regardless of whether others do. And while judgment is inevitable, we remember that judgment need not control or define us.
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