“If you don’t love yourself, you’ll always be looking for someone to fill the void in your heart, and no one will ever be able to do that.” ~ Lori DeShane
She was a simple girl who met and fell in love with a complicated boy. It was an unrequited love. I loved him dearly for 6 months and acted like his first love was a teenager.It was humiliating. I did things I never should have done: constant texting, phone calls, arranging meetups.
Shame doesn’t even cover the feelings I’m feeling right now. There is also a lot of guilt and pain.
As a child, my parents taught me to sacrifice myself and act for others before myself.
Gradually, my ego becomes intertwined with others. Only when I served someone’s life purpose did I feel worthy.
Every little thing, like how I behaved, how I dressed, how I worked, became the focus of others. I read minds, tried to control how people perceive me, pushed my limits and showed up to people who probably never even cared about me.
That’s exactly what happened to the boy I loved. My life became his whole thing—things he said, things he never said. He was waiting for an absolutely impossible proposal. My mind has created all these stories about fantastic relationships that are never lost in fantasy.
Instead of loving myself, I was putting my time and energy into someone else. My family and friends know what’s going on and I need to accept that he doesn’t love me. I didn’t listen to them.
One day I had a nervous breakdown and cried. The boy I loved will never love me again. It was emotionally traumatic for both me and my family. At its core was the need for validation from someone else.
It was hard for me to accept the fact that he would never love me. i loved him so much Why didn’t he see my love for him and love me?
It’s been a year since I talked to him. Thinking of him or seeing him still makes my heart beat a little faster.
I was ashamed for being obsessed and chasing him for so long. Sometimes I wish we never met. He was the beginning of a dark and depressing change in my personality. He ate well, slept well, and couldn’t think properly.
I blamed it all on myself. It caused a feeling of worthlessness. I wasn’t good enough for his love. I cried a lot. More than I should have.
I felt ridiculous. Crying for someone who doesn’t even know what you’re going through.
For a long time I did not forgive myself. I am dismayed. I was in pain. I have always suffered from low self-esteem and low self-esteem, and the pain of a broken heart was too much for an already wounded self to bear.
I put my worth in the hands of others, not my own. I was cruel to myself, constantly criticizing myself and putting myself down. It was all the boy’s fault. I had abandoned myself and treated others much worse than I treated them. my heart was in pain. It felt rejected.
But thankfully, with support and therapy from the right people, I was able to understand what had gone wrong and forgive myself.
Therapy helped me rediscover myself. I was no longer the girl who put my worth into someone else’s hands.
It also helped me realize that my obsession had more to do with me and my problems than with him. His rejection only magnified it.
It’s a gradual process that was a little scary at first. I have radically changed myself, rewired my personality, and learned to treat myself with kindness and compassion. was.
But I was patient with myself and it paid off. I conquered my demons and slowly, gradually, fell in love with myself.
This all happened last December and after a year I can finally let go.
It has not been an easy journey. Some days they don’t treat me kindly. There are days when I still put my worth into someone else’s hands and hope that they will ease my self-loathing and guilt and make me feel good enough. , there are more days to look at yourself gently than that.
There are far more days when I take care of myself instead of focusing on someone else who probably doesn’t care what I’m going through.
I have finally forgiven everything that happened. Looking back, I wonder how I survived. I am much stronger and more resilient than I previously thought I was.
I look at myself in the mirror and am proud to have come this far.I love myself and am not ashamed of what happened. A crush can teach you a lot. It will tell you what you are looking for and what you don’t want in someone.
I know my worth and that the right person will love me the way I deserve to be loved.
But most of all I know I Love myself the way I want to be loved. I no longer see myself with hate. The pain of heartbreak comes and goes, but I know I am strong enough to handle whatever life gives me.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been happy, and I want to carry this happiness with me and leave behind a lot of good memories.
I collected all my broken pieces to create art and write down my thoughts and feelings. It also allowed me to work towards forgiveness and acceptance by being grateful for all that I had worked so hard for.
A crush can be a blessing because it gives you a chance to practice loving yourself.
Loving someone is hard, but not loving someone and putting all your love into yourself is even harder. It doesn’t happen overnight. Self-love is a journey, it has its ups and downs, but it’s worth it.