“There is a voice in your heart that whispers all day long. I feel this is right for me, but I know this is wrong. You can’t decide, just listen to the voice that comes from within.” ~ Shel Silverstein
Some time ago, a guy I know suggested I go swimming with him and his friend. I accepted.
I didn’t know him very well. Sometimes he greeted me warmly, other times he ignored me. He’s been a longtime friend of a girl I know, so I was looking forward to getting to know him more and being friends with him too.
He and his friend have dived several times from the 10m diving board. When it was my turn to jump, I was taken aback.
I stood on the diving board with a strong will to dive, but the feeling of emptiness below paralyzed me.
My new friend climbed the diving board stairs and onto the diving board and kissed me on the mouth to encourage me. It was cute, but this situation made me even more stressed. I barely knew him and the fact that he could be hot or cold didn’t give me confidence.
When I finally got off the diving board without jumping, I told him how grateful he was for coming to encourage me, but I’d rather remain friends.
Over the next few months, he ignored me whenever I bumped into him.
About six months later, as I was walking down the street, he popped out of the restaurant to greet me and offer to go skiing with him and his friends, which I accepted. I was surprised by the change in his demeanor, but relieved that he was no longer mad at me for letting him go to the pool.
We had a great day of skiing and he was especially friendly during that time.
In the evening we met at a local pub, where he asked me to hang out with him. I replied again that we should be friends.
Later that night, when we passed him on the steps of the pub, he walked straight past me without looking at me. it hurt me. I knew he was hurt, but it was unfair to ignore me again. I had a wonderful day with him and I would like to continue our good relationship.
Afterwards, I felt uneasy and told him I had changed my mind. Because I wanted him to go back to what he was before that day when he was warm and charming. This is how our relationship began, but I soon realized that something was wrong.
I have noticed that when he needs me or when we are making plans to spend the night together, he compliments me warmly and generously. Conversely, when I was useless to him, he was cold and aloof. The sudden shift between extremes left me questioning his integrity and feeling manipulated.
Moreover, because he acted in secret, there was a sense of distrust.
Also, he always created a busy schedule for himself and allocated time slots for me in advance.
When I suggested meeting him at a different time than he had originally planned, he wouldn’t let go until I relented.
I felt like a pawn on his chessboard, sick of the lows but addicted to the highs.
He was reluctant to question himself when I brought up our relationship issues. Each time he managed to convince me that there was something wrong with me. The argument ended with me crying and begging him for forgiveness.
As a result, every time we argued, I felt that the issue had not yet been resolved, and my frustration escalated.
He ended up leaving me, which was only natural as we were always arguing.
When I went through a breakup with another ex-boyfriend, I was either relieved or heartbroken or both. This breakup left me with an identity crisis.
During our relationship, when my ex-partner spotted a flaw in my character, he couldn’t help amplifying it and constantly reminding me of it.
That’s when I started to doubt myself. Who was right, him or me? Perhaps he was right, and I was this person he was describing.
It took me a while to realize this relationship was toxic. Looking back, I wondered how this could have happened.
How could I have been abandoned by a man I never wanted to be with and never had romantic feelings for?
Also, why am I trying so hard to make this relationship work when I am miserable in the process?
In other relationships, I have always had feelings for my partner. A magical feeling that first intoxicates you, and every time you see someone who looks a little like your loved one, you think it’s him.
In this case, the anxiety after being ignored made me change my mind.
In his defense, my ex-partner never forced me into a relationship with him and as an adult I am responsible for my choices.
However, his strong-willed personality always backfired on my decisions.
This experience taught me why I need to listen to my inner voice and be in tune with myself. Your inner voice will tell you what is right and wrong for you.
Don’t be afraid to follow your intuition even if people claim it’s counterintuitive. Does that mean I should only think about myself? No, obviously. However, if what’s being asked goes against your intuition, even if you don’t know why, don’t do it.
If I had listened to my intuition and refused to date this guy, I might have hurt him temporarily, but I would have saved him from a relationship that didn’t suit him. Moreover, unnecessary suffering could have been avoided.
If you make decisions with your heart, you will have little or no regrets if things go wrong.
It can take time to learn to listen to your inner voice and follow your instincts without feeling guilty. Especially if, like me, you’ve grown up and learned to put others before yourself.
If you feel that someone or something isn’t right for you, but you’re afraid you’ll offend others, the temporary discomfort will often lead to greater pain in the future. Remind yourself of what you can avoid.