During a recent couples counseling session, Jenna, 40, and Ethan, 41, discussed the lack of intimacy in their relationship. The couple have been married for eight years and have two young children.
Ethan said: “We feel more like roommates than husband and wife these days. Jenna shuts me out
and does not share her feelings with me.She makes decisions about our children without even consulting
myself. ” Jenna agrees that they live separate lives and don’t feel close to Ethan.
Establishing a healthy level of intimacy in a relationship is possible, but requires a certain amount of trust
and effort. During our session, Jenna believed in Ethan and realized that she needed to learn to live herself.
Vulnerable enough to keep him close. But first she must trust herself.
After all, how can she trust Ethan when she questions her own judgment?Jenna knows she has luggage
My first marriage ended quickly when I was in my late 20s due to an affair.
Rather than playing it safe, Jenna is starting to allow herself to be weak and take risks.
An important step in fostering intimacy in relationships.
According to author Jillian Florence Sanger, some people just can’t actively participate in a relationship.
And invite your partner to do the same. On her Gottman Institute blog, she writes:
To be with someone is to let yourself be seen and to be seen openly in return.in the heart of man
Because of your desire for relationships, you want to be seen as a real, complex and authentic being.Still, yet, furthermore
They want intimacy, but not everyone knows how to achieve it. ”
fear of intimacy
One of the main obstacles for those who lack intimacy with their partner is fear. If so, you may be concerned.
When you open up to others, they hurt you and you lose love. fear of intimacy
It holds you back and prevents you from being the best version of yourself in your relationships. To be intimate with someone
Partners must have some degree of vulnerability.
In Daring Greatly, Brown defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.Considering this
By definition, the act of loving someone and allowing them to love you can be the ultimate risk.love is
uncertain; no guarantees;Your partner can leave you or cheat on you without notice
love you or stop loving you In fact, exposing your true feelings can increase your risk of:
criticized or hurt.
Ask yourself. We freeze opportunities to love because we’re afraid to share what’s deep inside us.
Thoughts, feelings, wishes?Take a moment to consider that partners aren’t the only ones to blame
For causing a lack of trust and intimacy in your relationship.you have to take the same responsibility
Create an intimate atmosphere.
To start the process of overcoming emotional distance, ask yourself:
- Do I give my best in my interactions with my partner, or hold back?
- Is my fear of loss or abandonment clouding my vision and preventing me from sharing my thoughts?
- Am I comfortable or prone to asking for my needs and being vulnerable?
Do you interfere (shut down or keep your distance)?
- Do I have self-love and expect to be loved and respected?
If you are paralyzed by fear or unable to take risks with your partner, what should you do?
have to admit it. Fear does not go away on its own and tends to mutate into something else.
Have you ever noticed that walking on eggshells is ineffective and actually drains your energy?
On the other hand, being vulnerable increases your self-worth and trust.it helps you
Establish an identity for yourself while feeling close and connected to your partner.Being Vulnerable Helps
Ask for what you want and avoid interruptions. It builds trust in others and
Become fully engaged in intimate relationships. It is because we are vulnerable that we are able to open our hearts.
Give and receive love in abundance.
The first step to overcoming your fear of intimacy is to examine your beliefs.
Check out the following list and see if one or more of the following beliefs has ever crossed your mind.
- Love is easily broken and may disappear no matter how hard you try.
- If I show the real me to the other person, I’m sure they will hate me and leave.
- You can’t ask for what you need because your partner will reject you.
- Your partner will be intimidated if you show how much you want to be loved.
- If my relationship doesn’t work out, I won’t be loved.
- Marriages and relationships may do well in the short term, but they always fall apart in the end.
- Keeping your distance makes you feel safer and helps you control your emotions.
- Something is wrong with me and I don’t know what it takes to make a relationship work.
All of the above statements express a lack of confidence. If you really want a satisfying and sustainable life,
To build a relationship, you must first recognize your self-doubt or lack of self-confidence and work to overcome it.
Acceptance comes from challenging your own ideas. Trusting yourself comes only when you believe in your ability to be devoted to loving others and being intimate with your partner.
5 ways to achieve intimacy in relationships
- Examine your thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs to identify the source of your fear of intimacy
- Envision yourself in an open and honest relationship and set a goal to become more vulnerable. Start with small steps, such as sharing your feelings about everyday situations.
- Challenge the suicidal idea of accepting custody from your partner. What prevents you from seeking the love and support you need?
- Keep a journal or talk to a therapist or close friend about your progress in becoming more vulnerable and closer to your partner.
- Create a vision board of what you want your relationship to look like. Include images, words, and affirmations that reflect a safe and comfortable relationship for you.
One thing is certain, there is not a single person on this planet who has not been wrong about things.
relationship. But if you let go of fear and believe that you are worthy of love and all the gifts it brings, a healthy partnership is within reach.