How can I stop saying yes when I honestly want to say no?
Well, it’s not easy. I used to have a lot of trouble with that.
As a result, I became frustrated and angry with myself and others who asked me for help.
At the same time, we waste too much time and energy on other people’s goals instead of our own.
Circumstances simply had to change.
So a few years ago I started learning how to say no better.
Here are 10 of the best tips, habits, and strategies I’ve learned.
1. First, remember why you say no.
When you are about to say no, remember why you are doing it.
Focus on the positive things it brings to your life, such as more time for your family, time for writing or other hobbies, or simply relaxing to lower your stress levels.
Because in order to be able to say “yes” to the things you want out of your life, you need to say “no” to things (and more importantly have enough time and energy to do it all). neither).
This positive motivation will help you follow through on your decisions, even if they feel difficult.
Whether you need to say no or stay on track with the distractions of everyday life, one simple way to stay focused on the important things in life is to ask yourself: It’s about asking.
What are my top 3-5 priorities in my life right now?
It could be spending more quality time with your daughter, taking up a hobby of photography, or paying less debt.
Write down your top 3-5 of these priorities on a post-it or as a daily reminder on your phone (I use the Google Keep app for reminders on my phone).
That way, you can keep your attention on what really matters to you.
2. Disarm and state your need.
Disarming yourself with kindness first makes it easier for people to accept your “no.” For example, you can do that by saying that you are honored and thank you for your kind offer.
And whatever you say, be honest.
Then you can add, for example, that you don’t have time to accept and do what they want.
3. Add your feelings about it.
Some pushers may try to push you to sell or persuade you to do something, even if you initially declined with good reason. not.
Then try this. State your feelings as a reason for saying no.
For example, let’s say you feel this offer doesn’t fit your life right now. Or you feel overwhelmed or you can’t do whatever they want because your plate is already more than full.
Or you feel compelled to stay fully focused on your main project right now.
The point of telling someone how you feel is not only to get a better understanding of your side of the issue, but also that it’s much harder to discuss how you feel rather than what you think.
4. Help a little if possible.
Ask if you can cooperate a little to end the conversation while saying no positively.
Recommend someone you think is more qualified and could help you in a better way than you. I do this quite often if a reader or someone in my life needs help that I cannot provide or knowledge that I lack.
5. It’s okay to feel a little guilty.
But just because you feel a little guilty for saying no doesn’t mean you have to act on that feeling. Instead, just be together.
If you stay with the emotion and just let it be, after a while the emotion starts to lose momentum and becomes smaller and smaller. And then you can move on.
6. Realize that you can’t please some people.
In fact, some people just can’t win. they won’t like it. It doesn’t matter what you do.
This person is not you. it’s him or her.
Either he’s in an unhappy marriage or he’s being dragged down by money worries.
Or maybe she has a sick pet, is sick of her job, or doesn’t get along with you.
By understanding this and the fact that you can’t get everyone to like you even if you say yes every time, you can break the habit of pleasing people.
And start focusing more on what you really want to say yes or no to.
7. Increase self-esteem.
If you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be able to take care of your time.
This is also true from my experience.
The most powerful thing I’ve found has been making it easier to say no, in addition to staying focused on what’s really important to me. boost one’s self-esteem.
My self-esteem has improved, and my time and energy have become more valuable to me, and I don’t want to waste them.
And my sense of what I am worth in life has increased, and I am less tolerant of, and less likely to give in to, negative persuasion methods of others.
Feeling guilty, being very pushy, or just trying to take advantage of me.
8. Note: Teach people by how you behave.
This is one powerful reason why it’s important to say no when it’s necessary.
Because if you stand your ground and say “no” and be proactive about things you don’t want, people will pick up on it.
And as time goes on, you will find yourself in less and less situations where people are being pushy towards you or trying to push you away. It makes life and relationships simpler and more respectful, and boosts self-esteem by being assertive.
9. Realize that the world will go on.
Remember, the world doesn’t stop just because you say “no” to something.
They’ll find others who can do what they want, and they’ll be fine, and life will go on for all of you.
So when you really want to say no, don’t let feelings of irreplaceability or words to that effect influence you to say yes. This leads many to a path of resentment, anger and, in some cases, eventual burnout.
10. Celebrate and analyze your successes.
You may not be able to say no to everything you want that week or month. Even with some of the tips in this article.
But don’t focus too much on such situations. It just lowers your self-esteem and motivation to grow out of habit. Learn from them and move on.
Focus primarily on your own success.
You may have just said no in one or a few small ways this week. Feel good about it because it is still new and wonderful in your life. Give yourself a pat on the back and celebrate in small ways what you’ve achieved and how you’ve grown as a person.
Then spend some time thinking about what went well in those interactions and what you can learn from it for the future (repeat until you get the result you want).