“Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Sit with it. Even without.Healing happens by feeling.” ~Dr.Rebecca Ray
I have spent much of my life resisting my true feelings.
Anger made me feel wrong. Grief has made me weak. Necessity made me feel “girly.” love scared me
I became an expert at hiding when I felt any of the above.
Some people numb their emotions with alcohol, drugs, shopping, and sex. I’m paralyzed with controls. being in control. exercise control. Keeping iron controls everything in my life, including my emotions.
As for the illusion of being in control, it only really works for a very long time until the feeling rises to the surface and erupts like a dormant volcano, exploding on someone or something unintended. Believe me when I tell you it’s not clean.
One of the most famous quotes of all 12-step programs is: “You have to feel it to heal it.” As someone who absolutely hates anything that makes me uncomfortable, this is the best advice I’ve ever heard and the single most important thing I’ve started using over the years to heal life’s difficulties. It was a tool.
Years ago, during a 12-step program for eating disorders, I learned that all my “self-control” tactics were illusions. Whatever “it” was, just feeling “it” helped me reconcile many things, including myself.
My mother was a role model I grew up with. strong. Elastic.be positive everytime in control. I tried to be like her. I am positive and happy no matter what life throws my way.
We were raised not to be weak, negative, or ungrateful. The way of life was to stay positive. I mean, if she can, why couldn’t I?
But I was different. more sensitive. too much sensitive. a bit that too Sympathetic. Delighted chronic people who didn’t like rocking boats or endangering people who didn’t like me. When I had a big emotion, I thought the best thing to do was to suppress it.
Anger got me into trouble and cost me my childhood best friend. Sadness and tears (especially if they happen at work, God forbid) have been described as “unprofessional”. I was. Because people have been spouting me my whole life that I am “strong and resilient” and I wanted to live up to their perceptions.
But when I squashed my feelings, something happened that ruined my life for a period of time. I have depression. anxiety. secret. Migraine. sick. chronic fatigue. Bing. purge. lie. And in the end, they don’t feel like they can be who they really are and still be loved.
And like all humans who walk this earth, I wanted to continue to be myself and be loved.
So I started working on myself. And the work was hard. But his Glennon Doyle, one of my favorite authors he likes to say, “We can do hard things.”
The hard part for me was giving in to discomfort, the judgments of others, judgments about myself, and owning the truth about who I am and how I really feel about things.
So I went to therapy. Signed up for a yoga/meditation retreat. I went deep into spirituality. I prayed and sat in silence for hours listening to God and then wrote what God said.
I traveled through Peru and Costa Rica where I was introduced to sacred botanical remedies and wiped out all the emotions I had been carrying for years that I didn’t realize I had in a ceremony that literally changed my life. A vision led me to change.
If you have the courage to step out of your comfort zone, open your mind and try different things to look in the mirror at yourself, one simple truth will be revealed.: To fully heal that thing, you have to feel whatever you are running away from.
For those of you who think I will always be with you, I want to set the record straight…
No one is with you all the time. And we should believe that there are people in this world who will always have ‘it’ with them, whatever that ‘it’ is. , Anxiety (Fill in the blank what feelings you think you shouldn’t be feeling today).
We are together most days. And the other I am completely overwhelmed.
Sometimes I feel sad for no reason. Still, forgive me for crying.
There are days when I feel sorry for myself knowing that someone is in a worse state than I am. I let it come feel it. let me pass.
We all have something in our life that makes us feel sorry for ourselves.Stop pounding your heart out and telling the world, “I’m fine.” human.
Get angry. And when I do, I don’t think I’m a villain because of that rage. I approach it with compassion, not judgment. Maybe I have a right to be angry. Maybe someone is doing something that hurts me, but maybe that anger is making me pick myself up, walk away, or learn how to set boundaries.
Every emotion we have is trying to teach us something. I learned to listen to my teacher and ask, “What are you trying to show?”
I have experienced losses. betrayal. divorce. depression. Eating disorder. Everything that other people have experienced. We all have things to heal. Mine is no harder or harder than yours.
But you can heal. You can be happy even when you are sad. You can be who you are and be loved. But if you want to get there, you have to feel it in order to heal.
I am grateful for everything in my life. Not only good ones.
Thank you for the hard work. Hard things are what showed me who I am and what I am made of and what drove me to create the best life possible for myself and my children. pushed me to heal what had needed to be healed for decades.
If by sharing my story only one person will find the courage to do the hard things to heal themselves…then the hard things were worth it, in my opinion.