“Self-will is believing that you alone have all the answers. Letting go of your will means staying still, keeping an open mind, and waiting for your guidance.” – Robin・Norwood, women who love too much
My drug of choice is not intravenous heroin. My drug is “heroine ending with” e— the female version of the hero.
When I help someone and they appreciate the gift I offer, my brain bubbles with a cocktail of oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, resulting in a “helper’s high.” With a gloved hand, blow an air kiss to an admiring fan.
These two words are no coincidence, heroin When heroine, look and sound very similar because, strangely enough, they have more in common than you might think. Both are highly addictive, more destructive than users realize, and leave a trail of collateral damage.
According to the 12 Steps, recovery is only possible if you are powerless over your addiction and are able to admit that your life has gotten out of hand. By making this public declaration, I don’t think I’ll be tempted to sneak back into my old ways.
My painful revelation was delivered on a cinematic silver platter. At that time, let’s call someone incredibly close, Chloe. She was desperately trying to find a place to live in her…it was me jumping on a noble horse to find the apartment’s hidden gems, vouch for her, and land her the deal of the century. It was up to
Instead of being met with the gratitude I was expecting (and secretly craving), I was overwhelmed by her volcanic rage. .
What am I guilty of? The week before, she called me. She became furious and cried about how I set her up to need me, depend on me, and think of me as her savior. The ringer turned off, and she was alone, shaken by the pain, cursing the water I once walked through.
In my defense, I never (consciously) promised Chloe that I would be her eternal savior. It has become the gateway drug to great deeds. I somehow imagined that one day I would get a postcard from her with her smile on her face and that she wouldn’t need my services anymore because her life was so good (thanks to me)… but that hasn’t happened (yet). Hmm.
How did you co-create such an epic failure?
Hitting rock bottom with my “pleasing disease” sent me on a past search and rescue mission to discover the origin of my addiction. , took me back to my childhood.
As the eldest of five siblings, how to treat them like babies, teach them to tie their shoelaces, teach them how to swing a softball bat, and fight bullies.
I grew up believing it was my job to care for them, and I proudly embraced that mantle. It made me feel important.
What I didn’t realize, however, was that while I was swelling with admiration like a Goodyear airship, soaring high with every tap on my back, some of the victims of my heroism were fading away. My efforts seemed to send an unconscious message that they were broken and crippled and incompetent without me.
When I was struggling to understand my heroine addiction more deeply, I sought the advice of a friend. For example, the United States poured more than $500 billion of her money into sub-Saharan Africa (to alleviate hunger and famine), only making things worse when they pulled out. ’” he continued. handout, not handout (Giving fish instead of teaching them how to fish) is unsustainable and exacerbates the problem they are trying to fix.
I hurt people more than they helped, even though I offered support without a conscious strategy or agenda.
So what is the solution?
It’s no longer as simple as not helping people. It’s like bulimia, where you can’t refuse food. Even taught that service is near the top of his hierarchy of needs.
This is clearly one of life’s “can’t live with it, can’t live without it” conundrums. Perhaps you just need to figure out how to do the “service” differently.
So, as a newly somber heroine addict (an energy vampire hiding behind a superhero cloak), I’m cramping with withdrawal as I try to live on the razor’s edge between service and savior, My marching orders so far.
1. Fire yourself from work I was unknowingly (enthusiastically) embracing being a little girl and being everyone’s older sister.
2. Admit that you have a problem And that I am powerless to save, correct, and control people.
3. Give up your beliefs I know best how others should live their lives.
4. Refrain from being corrected by correcting otherslooking for God in all the wrong places.
5. make ruthless sympathy my alternative addictionHow heroin addicts use methadone or suboxones to safely detoxify.
ruthless compassion, By the way, I hate to see others as broken or inadequate, but instead, regardless of what they’ve been through or what they believe to be true about themselves. , considered to be essentially complete and complete.
6. Practice “fun and free”—This 12-step motto is only meant to give away your excess bandwidth (time, money, and energy) to others, unless it’s a true emergency.
7. Tattoo my brain with my new personal prayer (a lyric mashup of The Serenity Prayer and Kenny Roger’s “The Gambler”):
God give me peace…
to know when to keep them,
when to fold
when to leave
and when to run
If you can relate to my story, I hope this helps your hero or heroine addiction. Looking through the lens of my new Ruthless Compassion sunglasses, I can see that you are more than capable of finding your own answers, thankfully, without too much goodwill from me.
About Kelly Sullivan Walden
Kelly Sullivan Walden is an international best-selling author of 10 books, an award-winning dream expert, an interfaith minister, a board-certified clinical hypnotherapist, and a religious He is a science practitioner, inspirational speaker and workshop facilitator. Her unique approach to dream therapy, also known as Her Doctor Her Dreams, has made her a trusted advisor, coach and consultant, enriching the lives of thousands of people around the world. For more information about Kelly and her work, visit KellySullivanWalden.com.