“Sometimes things go wrong before things go right. Sometimes you have to let the wrong people out before you allow the right people to come in. Sometimes you feel strong You have to feel weak to know what things are like.Sometimes you have to break to realize that you will never be broken.” ~Unknown
It’s often said that it’s the hardest thing to leave, right? I don’t know if you agree or not. It takes courage to get out, but the healing process can be grueling.
It’s an ongoing process that permeates every aspect of my daily life. Moving on is easier said than done. The bruise has healed, but the scar remains.
I wanted to find love It’s the kind of love that everyone wants to feel and should feel once. I wanted that too, but I needed to give myself enough time to heal first.
Getting out of an abusive relationship is confusing. The constant worrying and watching over my back about everything I did and said faded away. But I was also very lonely and missed connection, no matter how hurt it hurt.
That’s why people often stay and come back, right? Trust them when they say sorry and hope and pray that the same thing doesn’t happen again. Then the cycle continues.
Having learned to live life without extreme fear, it would be foolish to jump into any relationship. New people didn’t heal me. I had to do it myself.
It’s tempting to jump into new connections because it’s good for distracting yourself from the pain. However, we know that unresolved issues will surface until we deal with them head-on. It took me months to get myself back together.
there is no specific timeline For healing from abusive relationships. I had to give myself respite and give my wounds enough time to heal, no matter how long it took.
We had to set boundaries to protect ourselves from gas slits and manipulation. I won’t let it happen again, I can’t.
About one in three women (35% of women) are victims of domestic violence and have been physically or sexually abused by a spouse. Similarly 1 in 7 men Experiencing violence from an intimate partner. Red flags that have been avoided in past relationships will never slip through me again.
my eyes are wide open. I forgive myself for my past sins. The shame and guilt of continuing an abusive relationship will not affect future relationships.
I started with a clean slate and let go of relationships that no longer served me. A healthy relationship is not perfect, but respect is essential. Staying true to myself is the most important part of my healing process.
For example, I don’t skip social events to spend more time with my new boyfriend, and I don’t let other people convince me. I refuse to back down from the boundaries I set for myself.
Survival mode made me believe that things change many times. It played a trick on my subconscious. I told myself that the good days were enough to pretend they never happened until the bad things happened again.
When my ex-boyfriend gave me positive attention or did something good for me, a jolt of hope and love overcame me and made me forget their bad days. Love wins, but is it worth it?
Maybe I took it too personally when they said hurtful things like that. Perhaps I was too sensitive and I have to learn how to deal with things with them attacking me. Does being a spouse include being a metaphorical punching bag?
A healthy relationship has problems and arguments, but it’s not cruel or unkind. I shouldn’t feel like they disrespect my presence every time we argue.
I will never do that again. With every insult, every jab, every name they called me, a part of me was chipped away. Boundaries keep me from being treated that way by someone again.
Emotional, financial, emotional, or sexual abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse. Being in a toxic relationship destroyed my self-image and worsened my self-esteem.
I loved them dearly and believed everything they said no matter how hard it was. So many terrible things were said about me that I began to accept them. I deserved to be commented from below on any mistakes I made that day.
Tensions rise during discussions. Whenever we had a fight, I got so emotional that I couldn’t think clearly.
One day I decided it wasn’t all my fault. I deserved better and had to believe in it to survive. I had to look in the mirror and be proud of someone who looked back at me.
I had to take care of myself. Once I freed myself from those chains, I had to practice self-care and nourish myself after such a draining experience. It was especially hard to get my confidence back.
I’m lonely at the bottom, but once I fall, I have no choice but to crawl up from there. I started small by doing something just for myself, like buying a new pair of Jordans. Shoes make me happy, so I like to collect shoes when I have the money to spare.
My ex-boyfriend liked to throw this in my face when we argued, saying I was superficial and high maintenance. It wasn’t true, but why would they be so upset? If what I do bothers them so much, why do I keep doing it?
Well, no one was hurt. I didn’t buy shoes when I was over budget or spending money on shoes instead of what I needed. I had no problem shopping.
That was another thing they used to control me by hanging over my head. Well, no more. I continued doing what I enjoyed and gradually found my way back to myself.
I took bubble baths, walked outside for at least 30 minutes each day, and immersed myself in a good novel whenever I could. I did whatever brought me joy and it helped me regain my ego. I allowed myself to prioritize self-care to build confidence, reduce stress, and foster mental health.
My relationships have grown to alienate those closest to me. My loved ones slowly began to recognize patterns that I had not seen because I was so caught up in them.
At first, I would vent to friends and family about minor relationship issues. Then I lost my mind on the major stuff. They encouraged me to break up with my partner, which caused a rift when I didn’t.
How can I continue in a relationship that damages my mental health? I wasn’t blind, I was in denial. No one but me could understand them.
Did they not know I loved my relationship? The good far outweighed the bad, and they only heard the bad. no one could help me.
The last time I left, I was pushing everyone away from me. When others weren’t supportive of me continuing the relationship, I stopped checking on them, so I felt I couldn’t reach out for support. I have been a terrible friend, brother, cousin, and colleague.
I had no one, so I found a support group that helped me regain my confidence and belonging. I went to therapy and vented my mind.
I tried to see things from all perspectives so I could know that it wasn’t my fault that I was being abused and move forward. I knew it wasn’t my fault I was being abused, but I was accused of playing the victim. Either way, I knew I wasn’t entitled to feel like a nobody.
Outlets were always available even though I felt lonely. I didn’t want to be contacted, but my friends assured me they would answer the call at the first ring.there were 24-hour hotline available I didn’t even think to call. If I could go back, I would call them after the first slap.
When I was ready, I dated someone who was understanding and caring. They saw the good in me and made me feel worthy again.
But I found myself starting a fight, accusing my ex-boyfriend of doing the furthest thing from their intentions. It’s not fair to blame your new partner for what your old partner did. Abusive relationships often instill bad habits and unnecessary coping mechanisms.
Even if it’s not abusive, trust is hard to build, especially after a painful breakup. My ex-boyfriend used others to make me jealous and gaslighted me to think it was all in my head and they would never do such a thing. Deep down I knew what they were doing, but it drove me crazy.
For every relationship started after that, I do one of two things. I alienated myself and ignored red flags. I didn’t feel weird voicing my feelings, classifying red flags as harmless flirtations and friendships. Or say so and get offended and take it back right away.
I had to work on myself and let go of past relationships to give new ones a chance to fight.
I had to let go of the past so it wouldn’t continue to burden me. Starting over has never felt so good.
Moving forward can be daunting, but it’s always a journey worth taking if you’re experiencing abuse. I had to learn to trust my instincts and be patient to find love again. It was worth it.
**I used the pronoun “they” to obscure my ex’s gender and protect his privacy.