Home Personal Finance My wife’s family visits and never pays for anything. How do we get rid of them?

My wife’s family visits and never pays for anything. How do we get rid of them?

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A few years ago my wife’s cousin stayed with us for about 6 weeks while she was in the hiring process at my company. It was the longest six weeks of my life. She sat mostly on the couch and never moved her fingers to help her around the house. This relative had never bought groceries or treated us to a meal. It caused a lot of strain in our marriage.

In March 2020, we agreed to have the same cousin’s family (uncle, aunt, sister and their two children) stay with us. My cousin Susan lives in a one-bedroom apartment and doesn’t have room for them. (Yes, she’s been paying $1,100 a month for the past 11-plus years. That’s another story about lost stock opportunities.) It was the day America shut down.

We still welcomed them, even though they had driven only 1,400 miles and touched many people during their three-day drive. For seven days we had no choice but to keep them at home. During the pandemic, I was an “essential worker” and had no choice but to go to work. It was a mixed blessing. My wife took 5 days off because we have 2 kids.

Briefly, we witnessed similar behavior from these relatives. My wife was basically providing maid service to her guests which became intolerable for me. I talked to her wife to ask for her cooperation but her wife refused to raise her voice so she was biting her tongue the whole visit. She fast forwards to 2023. It will be her fourth year opening the house to her wife’s family.

My parents visit every other month (they live 320 miles away) and offer to take us out to dinner and clean up after each visit. increase. They wash the dishes and tell us to sit down and relax. They never leave a mess. Why can’t my wife’s uncles, aunts and cousins ​​be more like that? Their vacation should not cost us money or create more work for us.

How do I tell them that it won’t be happening this year?

not vrbo

Also read: “I feel used”: My partner stays with me five nights a week, even though he has his own house. Should he pay for utilities and food?

For those who are not Vrbo

You can’t be liked by everyone, and it’s okay not to like certain people.

It starts with bad customers and ends with a car salesman charging you a high price. Being swept away by others not only robs you of your peace of mind, but it also robs you of your time, the most precious commodity we have, worth more than gold, diamonds and pork chops. Become. And, as you may have noticed, it costs money.

Once bitten, twice ashamed. Four mouths? Either you caught a bed bug, or you volunteered too bad punishment from these guests. But you volunteered. You and your wife need to make a pact. You are a team, you own a home together, and you both have families. But if one of you has a large family that politely refuses to behave, you need a unanimous yes vote. future guests.

There’s a big difference between hosting your parents or in-laws and hosting your aunts, uncles and cousins, especially those who seem to think your home is a irresponsible territory. It’s not a five star hotel.you are not disneyland


Your role is not to cook, entertain, or pretend not to know that there are virtual strangers under the “mask” of familiar, cheerful, smiling relatives.

you don’t know these people. not much. If so, you will welcome them with open arms. You keep inviting them and expecting them to behave differently. Given that you’ve repeatedly tried to change this reality, a small part of you likes to be irritated with them or if you tell them it’s not possible. I can only assume that you are afraid of what will happen. they stay.

Say what you want to say, but don’t say anything meaningful. “It’s not going well this year.” Why? “We have too much going on.” Why? “Because we are too busy.” Why? “We have too much going on.” Stick with the stock response, put it in a spin cycle, rinse and repeat. Assertive people know they are assertive. That’s the point.not about your comfort level, it their Ability to get what you want.

(a) It’s time for you and your wife to be on the same page (one of you should always have veto power) badly polite guests), (b) talk about yourself.this is not a problem their Stingy or messy or thoughtful, that’s their job, that’s what matters your Needs: “I want to own the house this summer.” Why? “Because we are too busy.” Why? “We have too much going on.”

As a member of the Moneyist Facebook group


“My aunt had the same problem as my in-laws. I warned her about what to say to people, and my aunt replied, “At this point, it’s perfectly fine for me to be the villain in their story. !”

It’s time to change your mindset. You are not held hostage by your host, but by your own will to set clear boundaries and not want to keep them. The responsibility here lies with you, not with your wife’s relatives.this is your Your job is to communicate your needs to people in these situations. Whether you respect those needs or not, the end result is the same.

The guest free house will be completed this summer.

For financial and ethical questions related to coronavirus, you can email The Moneyist at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. Also, follow Quentin Fotrell. twitter.

By emailing your question, you agree to publish your question anonymously on MarketWatch. By submitting your story to Dow Jones & Co., publisher of MarketWatch, you authorize us to use your story, or versions thereof, in all media and platforms, including through third parties. You understand and agree that.

check out Moneyist’s private Facebook This group is looking for answers to life’s most vexing money problems. Readers write to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post a question, ask for more information, or give your opinion on the latest Moneyist column.

The Monetarists regret that they cannot answer the questions individually.

More about Quentin Fottrell:

am i cheap I used to give my niece and nephew her $100 gift card, but I quit my tech job in search of a stress-free life. Is $25 insulting?

“How to Travel for Free”: I spent $500 to host a friend for a week. Should she have paid for her food and utilities?

“He’s content with what he gets”: My husband doesn’t work and doesn’t have a driver’s license. Now things are even worse.

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