A situational relationship sounds as romantic as watching paint dry, but you are actually in that relationship and sometimes you don’t realize it.
As if the dating landscape needed more chaos, we now face a growing vine of “situations” as another layer of relationships.
Some past millennials may be tempted to Google the word “situation,” but you might be surprised to find a definition for the word in the dictionary.
What is situationship?
The technical definition is “a romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered formal or established” It may sound like “Friends with Benefits,” but it’s not.
FWB can be a confusing concept, and while there are hard “do this or that” boundaries, situationships offer variety rooted in convenience and self-satisfaction.
“…if you don’t expect too much you might not be disappointed” – Hey Jealously, Jin Blossoms
- No title: You are not just a friend, date or partner. You are just… in a situation.
- No obligation: This is not a relationship and neither party can set expectations that it will evolve from it.
- No warranty: Common situations occur around holidays where both parties have agreed on a period of companionship and avoidance of loneliness, including social engagement.
Rules of the seven situations that are part of the pairing
Both parties must understand the psychology of the situation and must be prepared emotionally and mentally to follow the rules of this situation.
1. Keep the light
Situationship occurs somewhere between the first meeting or DM and a committed relationship.
It’s time to just enjoy being with someone else. Keep trying new things and meeting other people. In fact, you can be in multiple situations at once.
2. Keep your emotions in check
If you tend to fall hard and fast, situationship may not be your best option. is not.
It’s somewhere in between, and while those emotions may fly by, it certainly doesn’t offer more than statements like “I had a really good time tonight” or “I enjoy spending time with you.” is.
3. Be selfish
Any kind of relationship involves two people, but your own life priorities remain the same. You should do it because you want to, not because you want to.
This is a time to explore what you want and expect from your partner in general. Think of this stage as trying on your partner like you would try on clothes in a store.
4. Stick to your schedule
Don’t start changing your schedule to suit your situationship partner. One of the perks of this type of relationship is being able to go to happy hour with friends or stay home alone.
You are always driving a bus to meet your needs.
5. Keep strong boundaries
Boundaries can and should be set in any relationship. If both parties agree on a situationship, they must also agree on their boundaries.
Even if your feelings haven’t evolved, you might draw the line that intimacy is only between you. .
6. Keep secrets
Situationship can be a time to learn about someone else, but you don’t want to start exaggerating about your own trauma or toxic traits.
Excessive sharing and deep discussion can lead to the next stage or relationship.
7. Keep evaluating
This form of relationship is not designed to last. You should always first assess whether this situationship is still serving you and your needs, but it can also prevent others from getting hurt.
It’s hard to leave someone unharmed, but it’s better than being stuck in a long relationship that feels like a friendship.
11 signs you’re in a situation
Situationship offers an environment that feels like walking on the edge of a knife. The exhilaration is sometimes as prominent as the anxiety. In a world of dating that tries to avoid labels, you should look for telltale signs.
1. Compartmentalized
You have a place in each other’s lives, but it’s a small space that serves a specific purpose.
During the situationship phase, you don’t see your parents or spend the holidays together unless the event calls for a “plus one.”
2. Feel more anxious than longing
A cute “good morning” text might be less than a 10pm “WYD?” text. Relationships are on a convenient mobile platform, so you can never fully know where you stand.
Situationship playmates don’t ask, “Where is this going?” A peculiarity of the concept is that it does not go anywhere beyond the current date or the next planned event.
3. Not monogamous
Situationship is also the “free to get out of this relationship” card in Relationship Monopoly. If one party meets someone they like more, they expect to be able to walk away without drama or consequences.
It’s up to each individual to decide whether or not to be intimate with multiple partners, and how long that intimacy lasts. You can ‘Netflix and Chill’ with them on a Tuesday night and be at the same happy hour bar the next night, each on a different date.
4. Inconsistent
Neither of you have created space to fit the other into the other’s life, so you might spend a weekend together before not seeing each other for a month.
Situationship fits the missing piece of the puzzle in time. Time doesn’t adjust for the other like in an evolving relationship.
5. After breaking up
Often times, this type of relationship arises when one of the parties is out of a long-term relationship or divorced. I am desperate for companionship. No preference. You have to believe those who say they are not looking for anything serious.
If you’re alone after a breakup, you need to make it clear that you don’t want a commitment right away. You are helping each other to nurse each other’s wounds.
6. It was never planned
Situation dates usually evolve from last minute planning. You (or they) may be the center of attention due to other, more important plans failing.
Even if you received a “Save the Date” for your wedding in June, you wouldn’t ask your situationship buddy to put it on your calendar for March.
Booty calls might fall into this category, but it can also be a boring Sunday afternoon when you want to go to the park with someone.
7. Always be present
Mindfulness and self-awareness come from being in the present moment, but situationship is always in the present moment.
You might resist the urge to ask, “When can we meet this week?” You are guaranteed only this moment when you are with them. Tomorrow is always negotiable.
You should definitely avoid rushing into a relationship just for the sake of the eponymous title, but all relationships should evolve into a place where you plan and accept each other as your lives melt together. If this does not occur after 3-6 months, it is time to re-evaluate whether this is appropriate.
8. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable
The situation can foster anxiety and jealousy, but both parties are handcuffed to do something about it. Unanswered texts are only part of life.
Your friend may confront you about the relationship, and you cannot explain it without suspicion. You may not care at all what the other person thinks of your picture taken together.
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9. Not progressing
Relationships are not meant to stagnate. They evolve or evaporate. If you get stuck in situationship limbo, you will always be a side dish in the other person’s life. Even tackling the topic of moving forward can feel uncomfortable for fear of breaking invisible rules.
If one doesn’t express a desire for more commitment, both sides say nothing and get caught in a cycle.
10. It’s all men/women for themselves
This situational partner isn’t lacking in compassion or compassion, but it may not be the one to call when you need a tampon last minute or have a flat tire. If you do, you’ll find yourself apologizing repeatedly because you know this violates the situation.
You may be in trouble if someone asks for your help, but a true partner will be more than happy to help your prince or princess.
11. Very boring or very exciting
When you have nothing else to do, your other partner is “the best thing that’s left” and things can get monotonous. You’re not wooing each other, so there’s no endorphin surge when the two of you subconsciously connect.
On the flip side, it could be a full-on physical relationship with no personal connection.
Sex may be great, but conversations are superficial. Dating may involve conversations that are mentally stimulating but sexually unattractive.
how to handle the situation
For all of you who are stunned by this article, another thinks this is the best relationship concept ever.
- is this what you want? Don’t get caught up in a situation just because you’re afraid you’re going to lose the person. If this doesn’t help, don’t stick around. If this is convenient, make sure you are not causing emotional damage to the other person.
- Is this hurting you mentally and emotionally? Self-esteem can take a hit during a situationship. It can cause anxiety and depression while exacerbating past pain. Before you enter this kind of relationship purgatory, you have to be confident enough that you are a bad person.
- Are you waiting for them to notice how awesome you are? You can’t get someone ready for a relationship. You should always believe those who say you’re not going to commit. You should also be consistently clear about avoiding commitments if others ask for more when you’re not ready.
Even if this relationship sign doesn’t go into deep conversation, you need to be upfront about how the other person feels in this area.
final thoughts
Situationships aren’t for everyone, but they do stop you on the road to a relationship. The gray areas of getting to know each other are not a bad thing. It’s better to take the time to get to know each other than to dive into something that can leave someone emotionally mortal.
Be safe for your mind, body and health before and during the situationship. Kenny Rogers once sang: Know when to fold’ and only you know when that time will come.
