“Beauty standards are arbitrary. Body shame exists only to the extent that our physique does not align with our own beliefs about what we should look like. ~ Martha Beck
I know many women around me, including friends, mothers, and clients who are on a diet, who are constantly talking about their weight and figure, and worrying about their figure.
I am deeply saddened by the frequency and subject of these discussions.
At the same time, I deeply understand it. It’s hard to separate from our conditioning.
I also struggled with body image at some point in my life, and for a very long time. I thought I was skinny as rails and not skinny enough. I hated the way I looked. I wasn’t perfect enough.
I controlled my food intake as a way to regain control of my life, perhaps one day being perfect enough to feel loved. also affected my health, so I almost went to the hospital. I had no periods and no healthy bowel movements. I was so unhappy and depressed. I had no energy.
The trouble is that the thinner you look, the more people from your family and friends will compliment you, saying, “You are so slim and gorgeous.” For me, this just validated the way I treated my body and myself with control, self-criticism, and harshness.
Then there were magazines that featured skinny models and got some very positive attention. The more my body looks like those magazine photos, the better. I didn’t get to the point where I looked at myself in the mirror and liked what I saw.
It took me years to change the way I saw my body and debunk the standards created by “society” for women.
Over the years, I would bite my tongue whenever I heard other women around me repeat the same story about the need to compare and judge body size and shape and lose weight. The dialogue felt unbearably ringing in my ears, stomach-humping, and “I’m not good enough” story in my head.
I was in the process of creating myself a new standard of being a woman in this world, but the old story was hard to escape and easy to follow. There were no female role models, young or old, who loved their bodies as they were.
But there was a point when it was too draining.I realized that it wasn’t the striving to get the perfect body that brought me love. is to be vulnerable, to be honest, to share your inner life, to support others, to have deep conversations, to be kind to yourself and others, and to be yourself. It was about doing what I love.
From then on, I began to soften and release all the standards that were given to me. was enjoying I learned to truly love my body, and with that came another kind of respect.I learned to rest when my body was tired.I learned to eat really nourishing foods. I have learned to respect my body and move every day in a way that I enjoy.
Thinner is not better. Stay healthy, connected and happy.
The practice of yoga has also greatly helped me to embody this new belief and study neurolinguistic programming.
the truth is we We are all “society”, both men and women. We are the agents of change. Stop, think, and choose a new standard. Is this constant need to lose weight healthily, or to serve someone else?
A few different points need to be distinguished and emphasized here.
If weight affects your health and life negatively, if you feel heavy in an unhealthy way and can’t do the activities you want to do, that’s a different story. Yes, please take care of your body through exercise, nutrition, mindset, support, whatever works best for you.
Your body is the vessel through which you experience life, so finding your way to a healthy body is a worthwhile investment. And since daily exercise and good nutrition have a very positive effect on your vitality and health, body and spirit, with love, softness, and kindness, you will not feel controlled, judged, or harsh. Please go to
But if you feel strong and healthy in your body but you don’t like the way you look…that’s how I feel. i was there. I felt embarrassed, uncomfortable, sad, and feeling inadequate. feel this pain It’s okay to care about your appearance, it’s human nature. We all want to be part of our tribe, to be loved and admired.
But ask yourself if it’s me who doesn’t like the way my body looks, or if it’s because of society’s beauty standards. Is it because of the fuss from friends who constantly talk about their weight and looks? Do you want to pass that standard on to the next generation? to your sons? to my daughters? Is it really important for us women to look thin and beautiful? Does this story help us all? is it love?
No, it’s not love. It is not the woman who suffers silently because she believes her body is not slim enough.It is not the partner of a woman who cannot understand true beauty and abundance.It is not the daughters who believe the same message and suffer. Not sons who do not know how to recognize beauty in different shapes and forms. Not a whole society deprived of having happy, caring, loving and confident people.
Now let’s choose something different. Celebrate our different body types, weights and strengths. Feel better and enjoy life, movement and food without counting, limiting or denying the love we have for our bodies and ourselves.
Stop talking about your weight all the time and find other ways to connect.
Some might say it’s easy, I’m too skinny to talk about this topic. This is incorrect. My body has changed a lot over the years. I went from anorexic in his teens and her 20s, who were super skinny, to a healthy weight in my 30s, and through two pregnancies and breastfeeding journeys, weight ups and downs. repeated. I have seen my body change quite a lot and have been judged many times for my appearance. Did.
Today I am 43 years old. My body is not as slim as it used to be. I have a little fat around my belly and my chest is not as round and toned as it used to be, but I feel strong and healthy. I am so grateful for my body for giving me so much that I never want to criticize or shame my body again.
I’ve learned to love all my scars, stretch marks, and excess skin. Because they are the witnesses of my life, my love, my years.
So body, I thank you for all that you have allowed me to experience.
The alternative of not loving your body—constant inner criticism and self-doubt—is too draining.
As humans, we societySo let’s change this conditioning. Let’s never tell our daughters or sons this idea of what a woman’s body should look like. Let’s change from the diet we follow to the way we feel.
Celebrate diverse beauty and shaped bodies.
About Dorothée Marossello
Dorothy is a conscious, compassionate empowerment coach who redefines what women are conditioned to believe in success, beauty, and what life should be while sharing their love of life with the world.Dorothy struggles with her harsh inner critic, misalignment, and lack of clarity in life in order to reconnect with her inner power and rediscover self-love, self-esteem, presence, and most importantly, joy. Support a woman who is Click here for 10 secrets to flicker-free self-esteem.
