A quick Google search estimates that only about 18% of people save their first kiss for marriage. If you add up the number of strange stares that Ben and I received before we got married, I suspect the number is even lower. As a teenager, I never went on dates. For one thing, no one asked me out on a date. Maybe it was because I wasn’t ready, because the Lord knew best. I was always praying to date one person and get married. When Ben and I met, we weren’t a “love at first sight” couple. He loved information technology and video games. I loved dancing and aesthetics. He could appear in embarrassingly funny and nerdy ads for college help desks, and I could run trails and recruit dancers for my team. Before Ben knew what shocked him, he was my dance partner. And before I knew what shocked me, I ended up going on my first date with the man I hadn’t thought of dating but would eventually marry.
Five years later, on July 3, 2023, Ben and I got married. And that day we kissed her for the first time. At that time, I think the audience was more anxious and excited than us! Still, saving that part of yourself and the rest of your body is worth it, and there are three benefits or reasons he would like to share.
1. Holding off on your first kiss until you’re married will allow you to focus on your friendship.
Flashback to 2017. It was his August, and the Ohio Christian University lobby was getting damp. I was trying to recruit dancers for my dance team when a friend I met a year ago brought Ben to my table. “Are you interested in joining the Movement from the Heart?” I asked confidently. His gaze barely matched mine. But he left before I could say it. “It’s just Ben,” comforted his friend. He can be a little shy. are you OK, I thought. “You can meet me later,” she offered, filling her empty, awkward space with her voice. Less than a year later, I was looking for missionary travel companions at college. I never expected to see Ben again, but here I asked, “Have we met before? Aren’t you the guy who ran away from my dance table?” I had given up on my desire to have a relationship with God, and Ben wanted none now. we are safe, I thought. Little did I know that God was in control.
Dating back to July 2018. Ben and I had a “conversation” with her for a month. “Conversation” means sending text books to each other on a daily basis. I’ve never been pursued before, but I thought I was right about this. We decided to go out, but we broke up in September because we didn’t get along. In theory, he was the perfect match. I didn’t understand and was devastated. I wrote in my journal that I am sorry to God that I was foolish enough to pray that I would meet and marry a man and save my first kiss until marriage. But, dear reader, if this is you, know that it’s not true. It’s not impossible, and the dream is by no means foolish. God hears your voices and they can come true.
Over the next few months, Ben and I kept in touch. He was part of my dance group, but more than that we started to develop a friendship. Something we both missed the first time. And as the laughter increased, so did the chemistry. By December 2018, we realized it was time to define our relationship and started dating again. Ben and I decided to save our first kiss until we got married so that we could continue to focus on the friendship of our relationship. Yes there were many, but many When we wanted to break that rule, we had to stop doing it and focus on what we needed every day for the rest of our lives. friendship. And we believe it was worth it to this day.
2. Cultivate self-control and respect by holding off on your first kiss until you’re married.
If, like Ben and I, you’ve decided to save your first kiss for marriage, congratulations. It’s so beautiful and honoring God. Note, however, that it is not always necessary. And certainly not easy.lots of friends They have kissed before marriage, but God loves them just the same. Kissing before marriage is not a sin (unless tempted by other things discussed in point 3) and may be fine for some couples. But for Ben and I, saving our first kiss helped build respect and self-control that will last a lifetime. Ben and I went through a lot of mental and physical struggles to date, so we wanted to be mindful of each other’s needs. By removing physical expectations such as kissing and hot flirting sessions, we were able to exercise the fruit of the spirit and love each other deeply through love rather than lust or infatuation.
It has been noted that the honeymoon phase of dating lasts about a year, after which things start to go downhill. But what I’m trying to say here is that after five years of dating, Ben and I had our ups and downs, but not engaging in any form of sexual intimacy helped us truly get to know each other. If Ben or I were asked what the number one thing we would like to do together during a date, we would both say chatting and spending time together. Because when you’re not flirting for hours, you’re usually talking or hanging out (you know I’m right). And that is certainly what marriage brings. Being transparent and open with her husband has been beneficial in this new path we are on. And the same thing happened to him. Not kissing until we were married gave Ben and I time to learn and focus on each other. From behavior to conflict to likes and dislikes, we are informed in many ways.
Suppose you want to wait until you get married. If so, I recommend reading the following books. Great Sex Rescue, Unmarried, Soul Exchange, and preparing for marriage, Participate in pre-engagement counseling. Asking deep questions before an engagement or marriage is especially helpful in the difficult days ahead.
3. You can reduce sexual temptation by holding off on your first kiss until you’re married.
A third benefit of saving your first kiss until marriage may seem obvious, but I still felt it was important to mention. As Christians, Ben and I both wanted to keep intimacy for the sake of our marriage. Not just because it sounded good, but because we knew that was what God had commanded us to do. God does not condemn premarital kissing, but states that sex is reserved for marriage. Unfortunately, whether we like to admit it or not, kissing can open the door to sexual intimacy for even the best of Christians. Of course, people around me didn’t understand. We were told we were lame, immature, stupid and guaranteed to have a terrible wedding night (as if that was their job).
The first formal kiss we had in front of people at our wedding wasn’t magical and there were no fireworks, but those first few kisses are memories I will hold in my heart for the rest of my life. Not because they were perfect or the most romantic in the world, but because they represented something special that we could share together and glorify God. Saving your first kiss until marriage doesn’t make you a saint or a better Christian than anyone else. It also doesn’t mean that you don’t suffer from the same desires and temptations as those you kiss. But if he does have one final comment, it is this. Saving your first kiss until marriage is a bittersweet gift. It’s sweet because it’s sacred, and it’s bitter because it disappears. You can never recreate that moment again. But in the end it will be worth it.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Vasil Dimitrov
