“You are so hard on yourself. The mistakes that gave you wisdom, the suffering that gave you strength.In spite of everything, you are still moving forward.Be proud of this.Keep on enduring.Keep on persevering.No matter how dark it gets. , don’t forget that the sun will rise again.” ~Unknown
I knew I was different. If I didn’t look like my mother, I would have believed the joke my brother told me about how she got adopted. I couldn’t relate to everyone else in my family, or the rest of my world.
I was a little black girl often called Oreo.
I didn’t talk much, spent a lot of time writing, and spent a lot of time alone. Going to parties gave me headaches, and socializing made me want to hide.
I didn’t know you had a name, but I’ve been an introvert since I was a kid.
Those things didn’t change much when I grew up. And then I realized life was hard. Even if you are exhausted.
But nobody said life was easy, right? I put that thought at the forefront of my mind and moved forward like the rest of the world.
I did what everyone did.
I became pregnant, but not only pregnancy but also childcare was difficult. Moving out of my parents’ house, I faced even more challenges. I felt like I literally lost my mind after getting married.
All that responsibility has grown so much. too much.
Everyone else made it look so easy. Why did this prove so difficult for me? My heart gave me no rest.
I never killed myself, but I woke up wishing I hadn’t. i needed help. Not just prayerful thoughts and words of comfort.
I needed professional help. And I needed it urgently.
So I looked for a doctor and made an appointment. Turns out I was struggling with depression and anxiety.
Well, that explained a lot. Things make a lot more sense now.
I made lifestyle adjustments to support my mental health by journaling, eating healthier, and exercising.
But something was still missing. No matter how hard it was, I banished my anxiety and continued with my life.
It wasn’t until my baby, now 12, confided in me about her own life struggles that I had to revisit the whole mental health issue.
After finding a psychologist for him, she suggested doing some tests to see what was really going on.
These tests revealed several different things, including depression and anxiety. Also, Autism Spectrum Disorder.
I was hurt for my baby. And honestly, I didn’t know how to relate to him about this whole autism thing. had.
That’s how I found my missing piece.
The way I identified with autistic traits was shocking. The relevance was unreal. I scored so high in an online assessment that I knew I should share this with my doctor.
When the results came out, it became clear that I also had an autism spectrum disorder.
In my 37 years and 9 months of life, I thought I was just like everyone else. I thought life was so hard.
It turns out there was a reason I couldn’t sympathize with how everyone else was doing.
It felt so good to know that I had good reason to think I was harder than the people around me.
There was a time when I preferred to work on “special interests” such as jewelry making and crocheting rather than parenting, so it was a great relief to find out that I wasn’t a bad mother. , it was eye-opening to know what was behind what had previously seemed like laziness and lack of motivation. .
What I learned made my son and I very close. And we are learning how to navigate life with this newfound knowledge. It also taught me valuable lessons about life.
1. Don’t worry about what other people are doing.
We are all unique and have a purpose in life. Just because someone else’s life is great doesn’t mean you can spend your life copying someone else’s.
I never wanted to be like anyone else. But this world has a way of making me feel like I’m not good enough for myself, so I tried to be like everyone else.
I went to college even though I wasn’t interested. I was working at a job that ate my soul. And I got married before I understood what marriage is.
I did these things because my dreams were dismissed by people with professional careers, high social status, and successful family lives.
But what I didn’t know then was that we weren’t made the same.
They have the talent and skill to easily make what they do look great.
But they also have a struggle behind the scenes that I don’t see.
Following traditions and trends is not mandatory. You can create a life worth living by doing what is best and easiest for you.
2. Pay attention to your feelings.
what you are feeling is right. If something is happening to you, don’t dismiss it right away. Ask yourself why you feel that way so you can lean into those feelings and understand what you need to do to make yourself feel better.
Just because people around you don’t understand how you feel doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
3. Be kind to yourself.
It’s so easy to be rude and disrespectful to yourself, often unconsciously.
I was beating myself up because I couldn’t keep working. I was depressed because I didn’t know how to socialize with other people. And I always let myself down because I felt like such a flake.
But I now know that we are the only ones who have to be around all day, every day.
So treat yourself like you would treat a good friend. Stand up even if you fail. Honest but kind.
Compliment yourself. treat yourself. And don’t let anyone else treat you poorly.
4. Know that you are not the only one going through difficult times.
Life comes with some difficulties. You have your own experiences, but someone who has been through something rocks a big ole smile every day.
If my son wasn’t so open with his feelings, he would have had a harder time just living.
Pay attention to your loved ones. Be aware of ongoing changes. And ask how other people are doing.
5. Get help when you need it.
Pride prevents you from getting the help you need. The same goes for denying or believing that you are worthless. It takes strength to admit that you need mental health support, but your mind is just as important as your body.
Once you know what’s going on, you can handle the situation better.
Discovering that I have depression, anxiety and autism led me to learn about the differences in our brains. Life is not as difficult as it used to be.
6. Know who you are.
Take time to get to know yourself. The more you know who you are, the more prepared you are for anything.
When you know what you love and what you want out of life, you don’t have to pursue things that don’t make you happy. Knowing what you don’t stand for will prevent people from running over you and will make it easier for you to decide when you need to pull yourself out of a particular situation.
It also gives you the confidence to follow your dreams and believe in yourself.
7. Know your limits
Sometimes it’s hard to do just because it’s inconvenient. Others are difficult to perform because they have mental or physical limits that, if reached, can lead to serious problems.
One of the hardest things for me is socializing. Even the simplest of conversations can baffle me. And sometimes I freeze physically and mentally and simply can’t do it.
An example of this is when I take my son to therapy every week. He goes off with a therapist without me and comes out with the last therapist he saw. It’s her job to let me know how the session went.
Two of the most tense minutes of the week. Other moms seem to get it all figured out. They come and go with a mix of lively conversation, laughter, and other body language.
But when it comes to me, eye contact is sporadic, full of one-word answers, and usually no follow-up questions.
I walked away feeling so lame and defeated. The truth is, I still feel defeated at times because I want to be able to socialize well, but I’ve accepted that it’s not for me. I no longer feel crippled because of it.
Know how far you are willing to step outside your comfort zone. If you want to try new things, find out what you can do to get around your limitations.
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The truth is life is not easy. Full of uncertainty, trials, and madness. so crazy.
Life may seem unfair, but there is always a way to get through even the darkest moments.
About Lashonda Cooper Blackman
An autistic wife, mother, and mental health advocate, Sean has always had a passion for writing and helping others. She’s also the blogger behind Puzzle Me Shon, which covers topics like self-improvement, spirituality, autism, mental health, and Neurodivergent Make Money for Her Mind.visit her website puzzlemeshon.com Find out more and sign up for our newsletter.
