This article is intended for women who have had negative sexual experiences or trauma and who need reassurance and hope that God will see and protect them in the act of sex itself.
Personally, we are (usually) physically weaker, historically more dependent on our husbands and therefore more likely to be taken advantage of, so when God created sex especially for women, God I think you knew how terrifying sex can be. Honestly, sex is vulnerable for everyone. But the wonderful thing is that God puts safeguards into the design of sex to ensure that his daughters are protected and given the right amount of love and attention.
Whether you are currently married, engaged, dating or single, how God beautifully created sex in which women can be protected and find freedom I pray that you will find hope and healing in these realizations.
I have been married for 9 months and have had to contend with many fears about sex since my husband asked me to marry him last year.
While I was engaged (and single), my bridesmaids and one of my best friends were in town to help prepare for my bridal shower. Slipped in and asked me out of the blue.
She was single and really curious about how I was feeling about the next phase of life. But this simple question made me start crying almost immediately. didn’t hold any positive connotations for me.
Sex meant lack of security. It meant a loss of control. To my mind, sex was about men getting what they wanted and women being used up and disposed of. I didn’t feel safe enough to experience it, so I didn’t feel safe enough to talk casually.
My negative sexual history with unloving men has led me to this very sensitive and terrifying state. , was in deep emotional processing of the fact that I would soon be sexually active.
If you are like me and feel that sex equates to fear rather than love, I understand. Sex is one of the most hurtful experiences a human being can have. That’s why it’s so beautiful. However, it can also be very damaging if it is not enacted as God intended.
God is the God who sees you (Genesis 16:13). Being afraid of sex doesn’t mean you’re wrong, unfaithful, or weak.
But it can also be completely healed.
In my healing journey in this area, I needed to know that God sees my pain and my fears and that I am not stupid for carrying them. Just because I’m different doesn’t mean I’m broken. Just because I had a special healing job doesn’t mean I didn’t trust God or love my husband.
We had to reframe sex so that God thought of it as a safe place… maybe even a safe place.
Sex as a Safe Place: A Replica of the Garden of Eden
Luckily my husband and I had a lot of counseling in this area before we got married. . The marriage bed can be viewed as a mini-garden of Eden.
In Paradise, “both Adam and his wife were naked and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25). We can re-experience this state of being unashamed, completely vulnerable, completely visible, and having nothing to hide when we experience sexual intimacy with our spouse. increase.
Another way sexual intimacy mirrors the Garden of Eden is that the highest sexual experience is the most selfless one in which each partner is attuned to the desires and needs of the other. Indeed, if we were still in paradise, this is how we would always exist. Completely selfless and giving to each other. Thankfully, we can do this in the act of marriage.
Hebrews 13:4 It encourages the marriage bed to be kept clean. How beautiful it is that the marriage bed is pure in the first place. Immaculate and immaculate. Safe from anything that degrades it. It’s really a gift.
Plus, I love being called a marriage bed. A bed is a place of warmth, rest and comfort. This is what God wants for our sexual experience.
Understanding that God designed the marriage bed to be a safe place changed everything for me. And I believe God emphasizes and demonstrates this desire for His beloved daughters to feel safe through how he designed the very act of sex.
Here are three ways that, through God’s innate protection, have helped heal my outlook on sex.
1. Foreplay requires the wife to be selflessly pursued
Foreplay provides time for the wife to “get courted and win.” Intimate acts can be painful or even impossible if her body is not prepared by foreplay. , that is, without what the wife needs to feel loved, actual intercourse can be less connected overall, more domineering, and less special. It may not be possible at all.
I love it, just as God created this protection for women through the need for foreplay. Must be selfless.
A Christian book intended for pleasure says: Instead of claiming sex as your right, let the way a man approaches his wife show that he shows his love for her. Husbands need to be careful not to come across as rushed, rude, rude, mechanical, or impatient. ”
It means so much to me to know that God created a space for loving and pursuing his precious daughters, and that pursuit is as if a prerequisite for sex to occur. We know that we need to treat each other with love and kindness, so we woven that into the design of the sex itself.
2. How a husband increases his wife’s libido depends on his selflessness.
It’s no secret that husbands usually have a stronger sex drive than their wives. Before I got engaged, I was unfortunately exposed to a lot of negative attitudes about this fact, so sex was seen as more than a pleasure and a duty for women.
It seemed that there were only two options: the wife grinned and put up with it, or the husband squashed his desires and suffered. Luckily, however, I stumbled across this passage from the Act of Marriage that highlights a beautiful third option.
“Therefore, a wise and loving husband will learn as much as he can on this subject, and give the bride the best sexual experience possible, both for her benefit and for his own.” The more he strives for her enjoyment, the more he will help her develop a positive and exciting attitude towards the relationship. welcome and rejoice.”
The world makes it seem like the husband’s libido is driving him toward impurity and caveman demeanor. But God’s plan is to channel this libido into greater joy for her wife and greater union between the two. how beautiful is that?
When I first read this, I felt so protected and special to God. God’s design for sex is that both partners should be uplifted and given! Make sure the relationship is one where the wife is also given attention and respect. If you don’t, your husband will lose too.
3. God Blesses Women Through Sexual Orgasms
I know, I know, you may be blushing by now while reading this. But joy is nothing to be ashamed of. As the title of the book suggests, we intended it! Known biological facts make me feel really special to God.
I don’t have any scripture to back me up on this, but this is how I interpret this fact: It’s kind of a counterbalance to men’s stronger libido. Pleasure may drive them to initiate intercourse more often, but it’s not just them, because God makes it.
This is not so much physical protection as protecting your attitude. By creating a woman’s ability to achieve multiple orgasms, I feel the heart of God giving women special attention and care.SPOTLIGHT will surely be shared and read to me like a little wink from God to make his daughters feel pampered and beautiful.
Every orgasm is also an opportunity for the wife to feel special and connected to her husband, which naturally helps her trust her husband more and more. God knew that it would be necessary to trust her husband more and more, so God is very kind to increase this ability in women.
Much still needs to be said about the psychological effects of sexual intimacy and how to heal sexual wounds, but I hope these thoughts can give you a starting point for trusting God. I think he went out of his way to design sex with women in mind. He sees you and loves you! And especially in areas as vulnerable as intimacy, all you want is to feel pursued, special, and safe at all times.
Photo credit: ©Annette Sousa HW/Unsplash
Kelly Jane McGlynn Former editor of Crosswalk.com. She sees the act of expression, whether through writing or art, as a way to co-create with and experience God more deeply.Check out her handmade earrings Instagram and Etsy For more on her thoughts on connecting with God through creative endeavours.