Married to Redwood.
No, this is not a gardening article. I’ll get to your frustrations with immature men later, but may I start by sharing my solo journey before John?
In my husband’s presence, my celibacy felt like a parasite that could not be eradicated. That freeloader stayed with me long after college, graduate school, my license, and even after I started my own practice.
My peers were busy skipping sleep to get married and assemble IKEA furniture and take care of their newborns. increase.
Who do you think took her sister to her birthday party and gathering?
yes. Your new friend here has definitely gone through the wilds of celibacy.
I didn’t meet anyone during that time. Elsewhere I say “matAn evangelist, how I learned he was not an evangelist.
None of the men I met felt right.
Oh, how I wish we could exchange coffee and cake stories about Mr. Miss. I’m sure you can please me with your own false start.
During those lonely years, I asked the Lord many questions. why am i still single is there something wrong with me? when will i get married
I’m sure you have your own versions of these questions too.
Perhaps you’ve gone a step further and compiled a list of possible answers as to why you’re still single.
There are no decent candidates.
Surely there is something wrong with you.
Eligible persons are minors.
Let’s take them one by one.
no decent candidates
Many people dismiss online dating as depressing. On the other hand, meeting potential partners in person feels like a fairy tale reserved only for novels and romantic comedies.
it doesn’t help More women attend church than men. How can you hope to meet a potential date at a church when the pool is so small that there’s little room for both feet to splash?
I see why you think there are no good candidates.
Or rather, my sister was.
When I doubted my chances of landing a decent man, she reminded me, “It only takes one.”
That thought cheered me up. I didn’t have to date half LA or lower my standards. dating a non christianAll I needed was to trust the Lord to refer me to the right person.
May her wise words encourage you too.
Is something wrong?
If this question has hit you before, relax. All it proves is that you have an inner critic who speaks out aloud that you are underrated.
The good news is that most of planet Earth shares your plight. That is, most, if not all, of us have a critical voice ready to think we are lacking for a chipped tooth, a grotesque birthmark, or a million other reasons. I’m listening inside.
Just because you’re still single doesn’t mean you’re lacking at your age.
Still, it’s wise to glance in the mirror. Introspection. go inside.
I am a certified IFS therapist, IFS therapist I will walk you through this process step by step. This model has helped many people change their lives.
Of course, you can also search for souls yourself. But if so, be careful. Don’t fall into a shame spiral.
Target audience is immature
Let’s get back to Redwoods on this point.
These trees are resistant to an impressive array of intruders: fire. bug. Freezing cold.
Well, okay, not exactly frozen. He grew up on the equator, where the average temperature is around 80 degrees, so he called it that. all year round.
But back to the redwoods standing there and resisting the dangerous environment.
And it grows, albeit slowly.
Take a particular redwood as an example. As of this writing, the tree is 308 feet tall and 1,400 years old. Let me omit the calculations in order to reach a conclusion. Someone planted this tree in 622 AD and to this day it grows 2.2 inches each year.
In other words, the tree only grows the width of a credit card every 12 months.
For example, if you visit by the 35th year, you might dismiss the saplings as unimpressive. There was no visible change in height after a full week of review.
But if by the 21st century, this chunky thing was towering over people and even hotels, you might have grimaced on your way home.
Now back to the topic at hand.
God called attention to their slow growth at the right time.
I had provided my expertise the day before my visit to Sequoia to help my husband overcome a familiar but undesirable problem. But just before we arrived, another episode reared its ugly head.
What is my interpretation of this incident? John couldn’t change fast enough.
That triggered my emotional outburst. Why doesn’t John change sooner?
Let me translate this sentiment to fit your predicament. Why are eligible men less mature?
move forward with patience
Your inquiry may have many different answers.
you may be right. These men must undergo a certain degree of maturity before they can qualify as marriage material.
Or the Lord may ask you to take the New Testament as seriously as he did me, especially to make patience work perfectly (Jacob 1:4NKJV).
For me, that means appreciating the 2.2 inches of growth John has faithfully done this past year.
So what if he’s still working on his problem? Don’t we all have our agenda? Besides, who should I give credit to (Romans 13:7). Compared to the first year of our marriage, John’s personal thorn bouts have decreased.
How patience applies to you may vary. First, you need to decide who to marry. Whether you’re still in the early stages of dating or currently engaged, it’s okay to keep asking the Lord to make sure you have the right guy.
When your man does or does something wrong to stir up your frustration, remember the redwood lesson. No, but that doesn’t mean I’m less mature today than I was a few months ago.
I wonder if this is how God sees all his children in general. Perhaps it is God’s personal policy to focus on the small contributions we have made to our spiritual growth rather than on the mistakes we have made.
Perhaps that is why he is ready every morning to forgive us and give us a new mercy (Lamentations 3:22-24).
But I digress.
When your man lets you down again, there’s no need to throw a tantrum or threaten to leave (unless God has made it clear that you’re supposed to leave).
Instead, pray that he will be able to withstand the pressures of his inner world, let alone the world at large, and continue to grow.Luke 22:32). Please pray for yourself and your growth. Please pray that we can see all the growth he has made.
Years later, your future self will thank you when he transforms into a 300-foot-tall spiritual giant.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/Prostock-Studio
audrey david heiser, doctorate In addition to being a California Licensed Psychologist, Certified Internal Family System (IFS) Therapist, and IFSI Certified Clinical Consultant, Surviving Difficult People: When Your Faith and Emotions CollideAfter founding and leading a counseling center at the Los Angeles Dream Center, she now devotes herself to trauma survivors, including emotional abuse.visit her www.aimforbreakthrough.com