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How I Learned to Combat Conflict in My Marriage

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Conflict is good if you look at it the right way, but it can also be hard, especially in a marriage. Conflicts can be good in resolving deeper issues, unmet expectations, and misunderstandings, but they can also cause rifts in marriages that are difficult to resolve. We see the best and the worst. It’s easy to get rid of your spouse’s areas of pain and frustration, but just because they’re in our lives doesn’t mean we can use them as punching bags. And when I chose to understand the role that healthy conflicts play in our marriage, I was able to resolve arguments in a reverent way.

First, I saw my spouse as an ally rather than an enemy. This was the most important part of changing my perspective. I sometimes saw her husband as an enemy to me, using language like a weapon or throwing insults because her husband wasn’t there to support me. . I had an unhealthy expectation that he would always love and support me unconditionally. Those are the things I can only get from God. I used to use her husband as a way to vent my biggest frustrations instead of seeing him as an ally and I now see him as a flawed person who makes mistakes just like I do. I am thinking.

look back on the past

Second, I was able to look back. I was keen to forgive the current situation, but it was easy to undo them during the current conflict. To be Jesus’ example, I had to choose to forgive his spouse and not remember his sins anymore. It especially includes sins committed against us. This may seem impossible, but with God’s help it is possible. God still remembers our sins, but just as we choose not to use it on us, we can choose to do the same with our spouses. We are only hurting ourselves if we choose to hold on to our past crimes against our spouse. I had to move forward.

take personal responsibility

Third, I had to take responsibility for the part of the dispute where I was wrong. Instead of blaming my spouse in every situation, I had to analyze my role and responsibility in the crime. Yes, and I had to take responsibility for it. When I was able to take responsibility, bring it to God, and ask God for forgiveness, it was comforting to know that the Blood of Christ covered all my past wrongs. I could see her husband’s mistakes in the same way. God chooses not to hold his sins against me. If I am an example for Christ, I cannot hold his past crimes against him either.

choose your battle

Fourth, I chose my battle. I used to see conflict as a problem, but more often than not it was just a symptom of a much bigger problem. , I blow up at him for not doing his share. When I went to God with a deep need of gratitude and was able to ask Him to confirm that I was in Christ, cooking became an act of service rather than a chore to endure. I got

When I was able to shift my perspective and ask God to meet my deeper needs instead of going to my spouse, I was able to understand what the relationship really was. We are a partnership that mirrors Christ and the Church. As humans, we often get into trouble. Both husband and wife make mistakes and hurt each other. The more that happened and the more those situations overlapped, the harder it became to forgive and love with the same love that Christ had for me. When I was able to tackle the problem of, I realized that only God can meet my needs.

In your quiet hours, ask the Holy Spirit to reveal past situations where you first felt this need. As I looked into my life, these deep feelings often came not from my spouse but from bad childhood experiences. A great resource for this is Soul Care by Rob Reimer. In it he guides the reader through some areas where souls may carry emotional burdens and, when resolved, can lead people to a free life in Christ. increase. When I was able to remove deep wounds and problems that I could not change, I was free to walk. I have noticed that my general health has improved.

See partnership

Fifth, I was able to see my marriage as a partnership. It is about two equals working together to accomplish the work of the Kingdom. When I saw one of us as superior to the other, it distorted my relationship and allowed one of us to act better than the other. , created an inferiority complex that could not be changed. When I began to see myself as inferior to others, it distorted my worldview and interfered with my ability to see others with the same eyes that Jesus saw. I had to change my perspective. I had to put aside my pride and ambition and see myself as a sinner in need of God’s grace. I could see people for who they were when I could see my true self, the sin that Christ’s blood covered on the cross. How I see myself has influenced how I see others.

When we look at ourselves in the light of biblical truth, we believe that we can hold fast to God’s promises and that, no matter what happens, God truly loves us as His children. you can know that When I was able to see myself in the same way, I was able to work within how God wired me. When we live each day as if it had a specific purpose, we can be confident that God can use us to accomplish His work. When I see myself as a unique individual created by God to do the work He alone has given me, it gives me a much deeper purpose than just earning a paycheck or having a good marriage. I gave it. This has greatly reduced conflict with my spouse. When I noticed that the conflicts were less and more distant, I knew my attitude had changed. I try to look at the situation from my perspective. If we can see this situation in a healthy way, we can take responsibility for our role, forgive what we have been wronged, and move forward to accomplish God’s work.

love like christ

Sixth, I was able to love my spouse as God loves me. I can’t say that I love my spouse unconditionally, but I do love them more deeply than when we first got married. When we were dating, I often viewed the relationship as something he could do for me. Now I am thinking about what I can do for him and how we can move forward together to accomplish his work. I can love Christ with the same love he has for His people. I understand. Collisions are inevitable, but they don’t have to be on a regular basis. By following the steps above, you will be able to see your spouse in a new way. If you choose to see your spouse as God does, you can see your spouse and her marriage as God does.

Photo credit: ©Getty Images/fizkes

Michelle S. Razlek She is a multi-genre, award-winning author, speaker, pastor’s wife, and mother. She is also a literary agent and certified writing coach at her Wordwise Media Services.her new children’s book what god wants me to do Encourage girls to discover God’s plan for their careers. I’m in.For more information visit her website www.Michelle Zrek.Com.

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