do you often feel resentmentIf so, read on.
Resentment is a cumulative form of saying yes when you mean no, not communicating your needs, feeling guilty about doing things you don’t want, and caring for others when it’s detrimental to your well-being. It’s an impact.
Like death from a thousand cuts, we give up our freedom of choice every time we cross our limits.
these are all symptoms broken boundary system It makes us give, please, and function too much as the price for our well-being.
How do you start a repair? First, it helps to know what type of boundary you are struggling with.
Which boundary category do you struggle with the most?
Physical – Includes personal space, physical contact, and privacy. Violations included being denied your physical needs, being touched inappropriately, or having someone spy on your phone.
intellectual – Refers to thoughts and ideas. Healthy intellectual boundaries include respecting the ideas of others and being mindful of appropriate discussion. Having someone downplay your ideas or gaslight you is an example of a violation.
emotional – It contains respect and energy. Without healthy emotional boundaries, we tend to accept the feelings and problems of others as our own. Violations include sacrificing your own needs to please others or blaming others for your problems.
sexual – Includes emotional, intellectual, and physical aspects of sexuality. Mutual respect for limitations and desires between partners. Unnecessary touching, unnecessary sexual pressure, or making someone angry because they don’t want to have sex are examples of violations.
material – Include money and possessions. Healthy physical boundaries include setting limits on what you share and with whom. Someone borrowing your things without your permission or pressuring you to lend them money is an example of a violation.
time – You need to understand your priorities and allow enough time for different areas of your life without being overly committed. Knowing your priorities makes it easier to limit the time you devote to other people and projects. Asking for time or being habitually late are examples of violations.
Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries is the foundation for feeling empowered in our relationships. There are internal boundaries (how we relate to ourselves), external boundaries (how we relate to others), and respect for the boundaries of others.
The question to ask yourself is where are you currently not aligned with your values? This is a good place to determine the broken boundaries that need to be addressed. Remember – Having a healthy boundary system is a kind thing to educate people about how to relate to you.
In the next post, we’ll review communication frameworks that help you set and enforce boundaries with others.
Also check out my videos on this topic on my Instagram @misamychan