When my husband and I were on dates, I was completely smitten just by looking at and listening to him. He was witty, bold, daring, and very persuasive. He had big dreams and was a very hard worker. His sense of humor was what attracted me the most. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man who made me laugh so easily. He had a lot of traits that hooked me.
And although it was clear that his personality was in many ways different from mine, it did not detract from me in the least. As a matter of fact, I only became more attracted to him just to taste and benefit from the traits that I lacked. The adage that opposites attract was true for me. Within the first two years of our marriage, the same traits that drew me to him like a magnet seem to have turned into points of irritation.
I was suddenly annoyed that my introvert preferred to stay at home, but he was a gregarious person pushing me out into public. I began to frown on the fact that he was a risk taker and would make a bold decision for our new family, but I spent my time looking carefully for pitfalls. I wanted to His spontaneity also started to annoy me. For example, he randomly called our friends and invited us to lunch and dinner. On the other hand, I preferred an organized plan for entertaining guests.
Needless to say, we spent a lot of time getting into conflict because of our differences. We were both frustrated and wondering how we could find harmony. Thankfully, we managed to get out of the rut of resentment and found a way to live with our differences. Here are some tips to help you out if you’re even slightly grappling with a conflict-filled time in your marriage.
1. Don’t try to change your spouse.
I have a weird joke that goes something like this: Love is blind, but marriage is spectacular. The differences you’ve found, and perhaps imagined, in partners during dating and courtship tend to be even greater when you’re married. This is mainly because you are with your partner 24/7. No more breaking up after a coffee or lunch date. You go home together now and wake up together the next day. You sit front row in their lives and know their strengths and weaknesses.
One of the unfair things you can do to your spouse is to try to change it. It’s totally unfair and selfish. Besides, it’s almost impossible to change an adult. Only God can turn a man’s or a woman’s heart. Jeremiah realized that the mind was above all deceitful and so evil that no one could know it. It is the Lord who searches the heart and tests the heart (Jeremiah 17:9-10).
Only God can pull out a heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 11:19). Nagging her partner or forcing her to change will only create resentment in the marriage. Your partner will feel stigmatized and rejected. They signed up for acceptance and unconditional love, so even if you give them the opposite, they won’t silence it. However, this does not mean that you cannot ask your spouse to adopt healthier behaviors. By all means, respectfully let your partner know where you can do better or where you can do better. But don’t pester or manipulate them to change.
2. Carry each other’s weaknesses.
“Therefore, we, the strong, should put up with the distrust of the weak, and not be complacent. Let each of us please and enlighten our neighbor for our own benefit. , not that even Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, “The reproach of those who denounced you fell upon me.” ” Romans 15:1-2
What is your attitude toward what you consider to be your spouse’s weaknesses? Do they irritate you and cause you to say or do something you later regret? Paul teaches us better ways to engage with others’ weaknesses. We should endure each other’s weaknesses and not satisfy ourselves. This means that when one of your spouse’s weaknesses rears its (weak) head, it’s time to please them instead of yourself.
This means it’s not the time to scold them, scold them, or scold them. On the contrary, the time has come to extend the unconditional love of Christ. A patient and tender love. Love without jealousy, without boasting, without arrogance. Love that doesn’t dishonor others is not selfish, doesn’t get angry easily, and doesn’t record mistakes. Love does not delight in evil, it delights in truth. A love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always endures. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Paul says that pleasing those who are weaker than ourselves leads to their enlightenment (Romans 15:2). This means that the way to encourage change around a spouse’s weaknesses is to be patient with them, not belittle them.
3. See differences as blessings.
Your wife is a health fanatic and loves making low-calorie foods and snacks. On the other hand, you’ve always loved high-calorie, fatty foods. You can talk about the revolution in the kitchen, or you can take it as a celebration. If you eat a healthy diet, you are less likely to get lifestyle-related diseases and may lose weight. Couples need to learn to celebrate their differences instead of getting frustrated with them.
Besides, if we were all the same, wouldn’t life be so vanilla? Paul taught that just as we have many parts in one body, not all parts have the same function. (Romans 12:4). It’s silly to want your partner to be like you, and even more silly to try to make him or her like you. Couples should instead celebrate their differences and enjoy the value, spice, and flavor that their differences bring to their marriage.
4. Arm yourself with forgiveness.
“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, and forgiving, just as God in Christ forgave you.” ephesians 4: 32
It’s baffling how often we give everyone around us immediate forgiveness, except for our spouses. It is much easier to give forgiveness to colleagues, relatives, neighbors, clerks, children, etc. But when does a spouse need forgiveness? That’s a whole other story. We will not accept their crimes in silence. He flips the offense over and over in his head and scrutinizes it from every angle. We let the attack smolder with us for so long that we can feel all the irritation it endures.
The scriptures are full of commands for believers to forgive one another. Nowhere in God’s Word does it suggest that our spouses are an exception. In fact, the closest people around us are, without a doubt, the people we most forgive. Peter asked Jesus how often he should forgive his brother who sinned against him. Then Jesus gave the mysterious answer of 70 times 7 (Matthew 18:22). Here Jesus was suggesting that we should never run out of forgiveness for those closest to us, our brothers. Your spouse is the closest person to you. Therefore, you need to fill up the tank of forgiveness for them. Be prepared to forgive when your differences surface in your marriage.
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