Alex and I personally have something to share…
After 13 and a half years of marriage, we decided to separate. Of course, we will always be co-parents to her two beautiful boys, but we will never get married again.
Of course, we feel good and confident about this decision, which was made with great care and difficulty. I’ve always loved Alex (funny, insightful, and the father of my children!), but I feel like we’re on more and more different wavelengths when it comes to parenting, life, and philosophy. I was. fill the gap.
I don’t know if this seems like a surprise to you — some readers have messaged or emailed me to point out that Alex hasn’t been mentioned recently and wondered if everything was okay. In real life, people’s reactions vary from gasping, grabbing their chests, to a supportive neighborhood dad who robotically stretches his arms straight out in front of him and repeats “process-process-process”. doing. Friends brought us soup, gave us bear hugs, and texted us “how are you doing” every morning like clockwork. I like being asked, “Should I say sorry or congratulations?” Because that question admits that both things can be true.
In difficult times, kind gestures are very meaningful. My heart broke when three different friends invited me over on Christmas Day (the boys were celebrating with Alex’s family in Atlanta). And when our babysitter piled up the toilet paper and rolled it into the bathroom to help with a little extra, I felt so cared for and cried! Thick tears! Over the toilet paper!
Some stages were very difficult and emotional. We have had an amazing 10 years together (there have been the regular old ups and downs).Have you seen the 2 miracle guys we built from scratch?!! It became more and more difficult (couples therapy, arguments, distance, pandemic, feeling like we were speaking different languages, etc.). And it felt like the time I needed for a new chapter in my life.
The boys are doing really well. If they had a magic wand, I think they would wave to Daddy and go home, but the house was also tense and they could tell. is now calm, joyful and relaxed. Anton told me the other day. I go in, get a 7-up out of the fridge, do some mud ribs, then watch a movie. How sweet is that? Both places have their own rituals and joys and comforts, and I love that they both feel like home.
And remember, life is not 100% easy. Children survive hardships: illness, social stress, loss, divorce, moving, disappointment, upset, heartbreak. Life is not a perfectly smooth road. A therapist once told me: We are here to support them and they know they are deeply, deeply loved.
What is useful as an adult? Walks. treatment. friend. British television. This Cup of Jo community. And the realization that two happy houses are better for him than one unhappy house. I am the child of divorced parents, and my sister and I recently talked about how our main feeling when we were divorced was… relief. I didn’t like that my dad had to leave two towns and couldn’t wake me up every morning to go to school like he used to, but even at 12, I lived in two houses. It is better. And we were.
For anyone going through something similar, this quote from a friend of mine Tina helped:”acquisition Divorce is hard, but to be Divorce is great. She told me about her very loving (yes, loving!) co-parenting relationship with her ex-husband. again, Gloria newsletter It helped me read. This NYTimes op-ed.
And finally, this poem really rang. we had a lot of great times. we made a baby we laughed we cheered each other on. we still do. Our marriage is over, but it also flew.
As always, thank you for reading. XO XO
PS On Happiness vs. Wholeness, and Home as a Refuge.
(Photo by Sophia Singh/Stocksy.)