“it was not supposed to be like this”
Marriage struggles with the tension between the hopeful ideals and the very real pains you feel as a husband or wife. Blind optimists say our spouses are perfect soulmates who can never go wrong.
That pain feeds on a negativity that can only see the worst in your partner. Unrealistic expectations bring frustration, confusion and distance in our marriages.
Hope and help come from facing together the harsh realities of marriage. You can discover subtle false messages that you believe about each other. You can name threats to your relationship and tackle them head-on.
Facing these five hard facts about marriage together can make you closer and stronger than ever before.
1. The odds are against you
The moment I said “I’ll do it”, I stepped into the battlefield.
Our culture’s high divorce rate is proof that many couples are losing the war. marriage and family therapist It is the fastest growing field among mental health professionals. Marriage is hard and we know it.
The Bible explains exactly why it is difficult to love each other for life. The enemies of your soul, the world, the flesh and the devil, oppose your marriage every day.
The world says that loyal and lifelong relationships are either hopeless ideals or dire traps to steal your happiness. I want my way.
The devil is always trying to deny the truth of God, entice you to break your vows, and destroy your home.
But amidst all the bad news, God gives us hope. We are not fighting alone. “His divine power, through our knowledge of him, who called us by his own glory and goodness, has provided us with all that we need for a godly life.”2 Peter 1:3).
If we abide in Christ, we can walk in the truth of his words (3 John 4). We can overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21). In him we can experience a love that never fails (1 Corinthians 13:8).
No matter how devastated or tattered your marriage may be, “with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).
2. marriage is not math
In our marriage, we may dream of a 50/50 equation.I’m sure that if work and effort are shared equally, we’ll have a happy balance at home.
But a 50/50 marriage quickly runs into trouble.
Keep a score and measure if each partner is doing their fair share. refuse to go beyond it. Frustration and resentment grow to the point that giving to each other becomes a burden rather than a pleasure.
We can also hold onto the ideal that 1 plus 1 equals 1. Indeed, if each of us would always give our hearts and souls to our marriage, our life would be complete and complete.
However, we find that hardships and struggles are holding us back. A husband battling depression cannot fully measure the energy and motivation he provides.
Caring for young children, children with special needs, or aging parents may limit your ability to meet your spouse’s needs. The equation that 1 plus 1 equals 1 breaks down during the “bad” times of life.
For our marriage to work, we need to throw out our math books. Our yardstick is Jesus. That love is “broad, long, high, deep,” beyond comprehension. (Ephesians 3:18-19) God invites us to pray for the same love.1 Thessalonians 3:12).
His Spirit gives us the compassion and humility we need to put each other first. He will increase our patience, generosity and love to ever greater heights.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes
3. Your spouse’s family is also your family
Couples marry with lifelong memories and family relationships in their hearts. As you unite with each other, you develop connections with those who have shaped your spouse’s habits and worldview.
Navigating a whole new set of parents, siblings and relatives puts you in uncharted waters. Differences in family traditions and personalities can put a strain on a marriage.
Perhaps your family has shaped the way you celebrate the holidays. Spend money or save. train your child
It affects how you deal with conflict and stress. Your background can influence how you put down roots and crave variety and change. Whenever family differences collide, you have a choice. You can try to understand and compromise, or you can fight for what is familiar.
God wants to use your family relationships to bring you closer to Him and each other. God places each person in your life to refine you to become more like Jesus. Take another look at your in-laws and see the strength of character they instilled in your spouse.
Practice empathizing with the setbacks and hardships that hurt their spirit. Ask God how He is using your in-law relationship to expose sin and grow your faith. It helps you to “be kind and considerate to one another and forgive one another as God has forgiven you in Christ.”Ephesians 4:31-32).
Four. Can’t change spouse
Remember the excitement when you found out your spouse was “the one”? And remember when those cute little quirks weren’t so adorable anymore? , you have embarked on a mission to fix and change the weaknesses you see in your spouse.
Perhaps your partner can be more organized. She has become more punctual and can pick up her pace while driving. His table manners are a little lacking. She needs a pushy boss and a little spine. When your neighbor’s dog messes up your yard, he has to keep his cool. again.
By keeping your opinion in mind, you can easily find all the ways your spouse can be in shape and smart.
But all that “help” doesn’t give you the results you want. Your spouse is God’s only creation with its own personality, appearance and character. Sure, you can influence each other’s tastes with food and movies, but you can’t dictate someone’s dreams and desires…fears and motivations. beliefs and feelings.
You and your spouse are called to love each other for who you are.
If your husband or wife is struggling with immaturity or needs more grace, bring them to prayer. put your trust in God. God “says ‘no’ to ungodliness and worldly passions and teaches us to exercise self-control and live an honest and godly life in this day and age.”Titus 2:11-12).
True change is possible through acts of love that only God can do.
Five. Your Spouse Can’t Make You Happy
Marriage has the potential to bring blessings to your life. It provides companionship that relieves loneliness. It holds affection and the pleasure of sexual intimacy.
Your spouse can lighten your load and become a teammate by your side to tackle life’s challenges. You can find a friend to help you.
But even the best marriages have their limits. Your spouse cannot erase the pain of the past and heal your wounds. Marriage doesn’t make you free from stress, anxiety, and worries. It doesn’t give you the value or sense of identity you crave.
No matter how committed a spouse is, they are not perfect.
Sometimes they will let you down and lose your respect. They can’t say the words you want to hear. Your spouse’s shoulders were never meant to carry all the weight of your hopes, needs, and desires of your heart.
Marriage is a wonderful and wonderful gift, but our greatest happiness comes from the giver himself.
In him we find salvation and new life. God changes our way of thinking, meets our needs, and gives us purpose in life. His love is constant and more than we can comprehend. If we ask God for joy, the Word will be ours.
May the Lord forgive all your sins, heal all your sicknesses, redeem your life from the pit, crown you with love and compassion, fulfill your desires with good things, and eagle your youth. will update like (Psalm 103:2-5).
When you rely on God for your happiness, you will feel more free to love and bless your spouse than ever before. The love of Jesus can fill your home with the greatest joy you have ever experienced.
Joanna Teigen and her husband Rob have been married for over 25 years and have five children and a beautiful daughter-in-law. They’re neat freaks married to chaos, explorers to homemakers, and introverts to “human people.” But they agree that their vows are eternal and their prayers are powerful. Co-author of various other resources on .she looks forward to seeing you https://growinghometogether.com/
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Vadym Pastukh
