My husband and I waited nearly ten years for the Lord to bless our child. I waited a long time, but I was really surprised! No matter how many people pray and desire to have a baby, pregnancy and childbirth inevitably change the marital relationship. Many changes are great! Some of these changes are wonderful, but they are like furnaces that refine your relationship.
As your new family prepares to join your family, here are five ways you can love your wife during this time in your life.
1. Set aside daily prayer time for your family
“Isaac prayed to the Lord on behalf of his wife.” Genesis 25:21
As the spiritual leader of the home, the husband has a unique role that no one else can fill. The Bible says that a husband has a spiritual place to protect his wife and family (1 Corinthians 11:3), so prayers for your family are irreplaceable. Especially now that you and your wife are entering this transitional period, it is even more important to develop the habit of praying daily for your family.
2. Seek and express your wife’s understanding
When I was pregnant with my son, there were several complications affecting the delivery and my son’s first few months. Their complication was stress. We sometimes superimpose a passage of Scripture on top of various tensions. While these provisions are valid for pregnant or new mothers, the responsibility for this type of burden is deeper than others. For some expectant mothers, trying to “hang on” to a difficult pregnancy, withholding food and drink when the stomach rebels, and blood sugar levels that spike and dip beyond logic. Some people are feeling stressed about managing and all the other stresses that the body rebels against. Attacks on us during pregnancy can really test our sanity.
Mothers often feel responsible for everything that happens to their baby during pregnancy. However, due to her hormonal complexity, a woman often has less control over how her system reacts to things than when she is not pregnant. It’s our body’s rotten betrayal that lets the team down when our body needs to behave the most. However, this is a reality in some pregnancies and requires a lot of understanding for mothers with such experiences.
“Husbands, in the same way, because a wife is a woman, live with her in an understanding manner, as you would a weak person. Honor yourself as a fellowship of the grace of the . ” 1 Peter 3:7
I never claimed to like this verse. But as a new mother, I didn’t like this verse enough to put it on my wall, but I felt like I had a unique experience. Several complications during pregnancy and a few months of exhausting baby care with health issues left me no longer the same partner I was before having my baby. We needed understanding and grace more than ever in our relationship. I hated needing more support and help and despised the feeling of being vulnerable. But the Bible tells us both that God designed her husband to be a special vessel of understanding for his wife, even a wife who is stubborn, strong, self-sufficient, and never needs help. I was telling you.
Pray that God will open your eyes to understand your wife’s changing needs and gain insight into how you can express your understanding, love and support for your wife.
3. Filled with God’s Word
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to cleanse her and sanctify her by the washing of the waters of the Word… ” Ephesians 5:25-26
This verse will be addressed in the next point, but first, to be a loving and sacrificial husband, we need the power of the Word alive and active in our hearts. It will give you the ability to wash away the love and grace of your family. It will keep you firmly on your mission as a husband and will keep your family strong.
Now that you and your wife are preparing to welcome a new member of the family, there is no better time than now to get into the habit of updating your Bible daily.
4. Love your wife sacrificially
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, to cleanse her and sanctify her by the washing of the waters of the Word… ” Ephesians 5:25-26
Christians are called to sacrificially love and be patient with all, but husbands are given a special call to sacrifice for their wives. This will take on new meaning when the wife is pregnant or has a baby. Ask the Lord for insight on how best to love your wife sacrificially.
When I was pregnant, I learned in a birthing class how best to care for my wife after her husband gave birth. I was the exact opposite of what the experts said. I think this is where Christians have a special gift. We have the help of the Holy Spirit when the season comes when even the “experts” can’t get it right. That’s a big relief.
So rely on the Lord, His guidance, and His Word to know how to love your wife during this difficult season. Don’t just tap into the wisdom of the “experts” in the field, listen intently to your wife and the Holy Spirit, and love your wife in the most effective way based on her needs during this time.
5. Planning for change
“A diligent person’s plan always leads to an advantage…” Proverbs 21:5
My husband and I have been married for nearly ten years and the Lord has blessed us with a son. In other words, we had long established the rhythm of a child-free life. We were both in vocational church ministry, and I had a side business and parachurch ministry. we worked a lot. When we relaxed through prenatal life, we were often out on hiking and photography adventures. When our son was born, he cried and couldn’t sleep for the first three years of his life (and yes, we went to the doctor. I just had the not-so-great luck of seeing a doctor) it helped! ). Camping with a crying baby or hiking with a crying baby on your back is not exactly the same experience as blowing off steam. We didn’t have a support circle to go on date nights and even if we did have a support circle to go on date nights no one else could deal with his crying . I had no one to brainstorm to make business decisions while caring for a baby with health issues. Our situation was so different from the parents around us that our lives changed more than we could have imagined. Having a baby doesn’t change everyone’s life. But being prepared for big changes and setting aside space for those changes can bless your relationship.
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Consider praying and discussing the following three areas where you need room for change.
How to Connect as a Couple: Think of practical ways to express each other’s hearts in those 5 or 10 minute “stolen” moments. You may have a great date every week, but you may be a couple that doesn’t have a lot of time to reconnect. What are five ways you can show your spouse that you love them and want to connect when you’re short on time together?
How to relax as a couple: With the birth of a baby, de-stressing becomes both more important and elusive. Do you know two or three ways to de-stress your spouse? Do you know two or three ways couples can de-stress together?
How to Seek God Together as a Couple: Finally, and most importantly, make a plan to seek God together. Some couples have the feeling that they are in pursuit of God together even before the baby is born. For others, this is a wonderful time of transition to practice the practice of seeking God together. Whether you have already established a path to God as a couple or are pursuing it now as a parent, you will need and desire the Lord’s wisdom and help more than ever before. So start praying and thinking about how you can best connect with God as a couple, and ask the Lord to help you navigate the changes in your family while you pursue God faithfully. My poor husband used to read the Bible to us, but I was so tired that I fell asleep on top of him. This made us all very sick. Be prepared to change when and how you seek the Lord as a couple or as a family.
Congratulations on all the joys and adventures that await your family’s growth! May God’s greatest blessings surround your family!
“Behold, children are a gift from the Lord.
The fruit of the uterus is a reward.
Like an arrow in the hand of a warrior,
So do young children.
How blessed is he whose quiver is filled with them! ” Psalm 127:3-5
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April Mottle She is a pastor’s wife, homeschool mother, and director of the Ministry of Women’s Affairs. When she is not immersed in the joys and work of being a mother, being a wife, and serving in the church, she writes and teaches for women. She will find even more encouraging resources starting in April here and here.
