One day, when a conversation about getting the chores done quickly turned into a quarrel, with criticism and blame, I realized something:
I was fine with expressing my feelings about myself and situations, but I didn’t know how to communicate in a way that resulted in positive solutions. It ended in emotion and awkward silence, but very rarely did anything change after what happened. Did. I decided to look at myself instead of my husband and find the best way to deal with a situation that felt stuck.
Here are some of the things I discovered about how to communicate with my husband.
deal with unmet expectations
First, I had to get rid of unfulfilled expectations. In marriage, each of us has expectations and assumptions about how the other will or should behave. But if the person doesn’t meet our standards, it becomes more difficult to have the marriage we want. It wasn’t fair to expect him to act the exact opposite of who he really is. Communication became easier when I let go of what I expected from my marriage and focused on what I had. As I analyzed my expectations, I realized that my expectations were rooted in an idealized version of what my husband should be. We needed to communicate in a way that left the conversation satisfying.
stop the blame game
Second, I stopped blaming. In every situation, both parties have played a role in the breakdown of the marriage, but I had to stop blaming him. We communicate more effectively when we can express how we feel about how we feel. . However, both parties are somehow in an unhealthy marriage. can do.
finding a solution
Third, communicated the solution in a way that allowed both of us to play our part in solving the problem. For example, if I see that too much money is being spent from my bank account or that I am not sticking to my budget, I will work out a solution in a way that allows both parties to compromise and make the necessary changes. Tell you. A healthier financial situation. For example, if he agrees to be careful with the amount withdrawn from his bank account, I agree to buy only what he needs. I was able to take responsibility for one thing and come up with a solution without leading to the character’s assassination.
Looking back on core ice cream
Fourth, we asked ourselves what the underlying problem was behind our fight. When we discovered that we often quarreled about the lack of love and acceptance we felt for each other, we were able to work out what was really going on. Fights may ensue because one of you is doing more chores than the other. But underlying it all was the resentment one felt when one didn’t seem to care about the other. We were able to find a middle ground. We were able to communicate in a way that communicated each other’s need for love and acceptance, rather than being properly distributed.
meeting on the way
Fifth, I accept compromises. In any situation where communication stalls, we can come up with a compromise where both of us are happy with the outcome. . When you can do that, you’ll find that you have more in common than differences. Marriage is a two-way relationship. Both parties must give of themselves for the relationship to function at its optimum capacity. One cannot do something and the other blindly follow. Both should feel valued and appreciated in their relationship. This means that even if one spouse becomes selfish and wants to focus on their personal needs and desires, they must still give to the other.
release control
Sixth, I gave up control. I stopped trying to control what I couldn’t control and started working on myself. During the quiet hours of each day, I worked on issues that might be preventing me from having an active relationship with God. I asked him to recall old hurts, wounds, disappointments, fears, or inforgiveness that may have prevented him from having a good relationship with his husband. God sincerely reminded me of every situation I had to deal with. It was a long road, but after it was over, I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
When I was able to let go of everything in my life that was holding me back from the freedom that Christ wanted of me, I changed my communication style to focus on what I wanted, not just what I needed. I was able to tell you. Sometimes I think our communication is clear. However, what we say and what others hear can be two very different things. I made sure I clearly communicated both my needs and desires to my husband. It also gives him ideas on how to meet those needs. My relationships were much better when I was able to do these things. And finally, I realized that the only person who can meet my needs and desires is Christ. Instead of controlling the relationships in my life, I must learn to let them go. It didn’t work.
Marriage is one of the most difficult relationships ever. But because that person knows you best, it can also be the most rewarding experience. Your opponent sees you at your best and your worst. If both husband and wife can learn how to communicate in a way that conveys both their concerns about the situation and their underlying needs, desires, and desires, it can be a calm relationship for both. We give glory to Christ when we make our marriage work right. for it is the mirror of Christ and His Church.
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