A common bridal shower activity is to offer the soon-to-be wife advice on how to make this marriage work for life. . This idea actually comes from the Bible.
Ephesians 4:26 “Don’t sin in anger, don’t let the sun set in anger.” This section of the Bible is a list that gives early believers instructions for Christian living. These verses also emphasize the need to be honest, not to steal, to work hard, to avoid unwholesome speech, to avoid anger, to be kind, to show compassion, and to forgive. I am emphasizing. This is a beautiful list to help us understand the Christian life that Jesus wants us to have. These words also offer great advice on how to be a loving spouse. Anger, dishonesty, unkind words, anger, unforgiveness, and lack of empathy all have the power to destroy our relationships. power is needed!
So when conflict arises in your marriage, is it okay to wait until morning to process your anger?
I am married to a man and have expressed many times that if he gets heated in a conversation it is best to leave it on the table and revisit later. Throughout our marriage we have had to compromise on how we agree to handle fights.This is still very much for us. It’s a work in progress.
Here are some ideas on how to biblically manage marital conflict.
1. Agree to take a timeout from the discussion
You can get into a very heated argument and feel stuck in this tense conversation. This can lead to escalation of conflict, and often does not lead to a good place. Still, as someone who likes to confide in things, I’ve found that I need to know to pick it up again instead of just brushing it off if it feels too hard to deal with.
A good way to de-escalate a bloody conversation is to put the topic on the table together until an agreed time to revisit the conversation. By taking a step back, you can better control your emotions. When a situation triggers the fight-or-flight stress response, logic is no longer heard and only emotion dominates the interaction.
Here are some tips for making good use of this strategy:
Decide upfront that timeouts are okay. Don’t wait until you’re in the middle of an argument to say you need a break. Walking away during a fight without communicating this can feel like avoidance/abandonment and make things worse.
Tell them you want a timeout. If you find yourself feeling down, choose a method that works for you to calmly say you need a break. Don’t runaway.
Shorten the timeout. We must not let these discussions drag on without resolving the issue, to the point of Ephesians that we must not allow the sun to set in our wrath. Our relationship is the most valuable thing we have in this life and making sure we live in unity with each other should be our top priority.
T.Take time to calm down and come up with new approaches. Instead of using this time to get frustrated with all the ways your spouse is wrong, you can take advantage of this break in conversation to calm your mind and body and get back on the same page with your partner.
Go back to the conversation and resolve the conflict. When you return to the conversation, calmly discuss the issue at hand. Remember we are on the same team. Conflict is not the goal, but working together to find a reasonable solution is in your marriage’s best interest.
2. Focus on improving your communication skills
Developing positive communication skills in marriage is a lot like striving for the fruit of the spirit. These skills should be practiced daily before conflict arises. Some useful phrases to help you express yourself better to help with diffuse tense conversations include “I feel” statements, “I need to calm down” statements, “I’m sorry” statements, and ” Include using the “thank you” statement.
Using “I” instead of “you” when you’re having a hard time can help you avoid blaming your partner when trying to communicate a situation that worries you. Blameful words and words like “always” and “never” can quickly light a fire.
Conflict is inevitable when you merge the lives of two imperfect people, but being prepared for the best way to talk to each other when such situations arise can prevent anger and bitterness in your marriage. If you allow your anger to grow, you give the devil a foothold and slowly tear your house apart.
3. Try to be empathetic with your spouse
Conflicts arise when you feel attacked by your partner. Our anger grows because we feel threatened, hurt, or invisible by our partner. Empathy helps you selflessly put your feelings aside for a moment in order to hear or see your husband or wife’s position. When you feel your blood pressure start to rise because of something your partner said or did, take a deep breath, pause, and visualize how your partner must be feeling in that moment.
What are they really trying to tell you? Is their awkward tone because they are stressed or tired? Can you ask and answer how they are doing instead of responding kindly? .
I know from personal experience that there are very few things my husband and I have fought that are worth being so angry about. or caused by carelessness. If one of us could see the other in these moments, these massive battles could have been resolved. If either of us had given up the right to be offended and were willing to ask how the other was doing, the fight would never have happened. 15 years of our pride seems to continue to make living together difficult.
can apply ephesians 4 To our marriage in an important way. Do not allow anger and bitterness to grow in your hearts. If we decide to make up before bed or talk first thing in the morning, the most important thing is not to let moments of anger and conflict rob our union of all the joy and connection. The unity that is supposed to define our marriage relationship cannot thrive if anger, unforgiveness, unkindness, unfaithfulness and unrighteousness are not curbed in our lives. The power of the Holy Spirit’s grace at work in our lives is necessary for a successful marriage.
Related article:
How to Clash in a Marriage Without Fighting
Why the Bible Says You Shouldn’t Sleep When You’re Angry
8 Ways to Communicate More Effectively in Marriage
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