“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. We cannot be free if in our hearts we are clinging to something: anger, anxiety, possessions.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
My anger hurts me more than I’d like to admit. I’ve smashed windows, smashed chairs, had cinematic brawls on the beach, and even made people I care about cry with offensive remarks.
I grew up in a time when mental health was neither taken seriously nor cared about. I interpreted my wild nature as messed up and hopeless. And sadly, the thought of asking for help only fueled more anger. I felt weak, pathetic, and a loser when I couldn’t get my life in order.
So I didn’t understand why my emotions were on such a roller coaster (undiagnosed depression and Bipolar II), so I didn’t know where to turn to but my dear friend. sailor jerry, A purveyor of luxury spices. Alcohol only fueled my emotional outbursts and made the problem worse.
Knowing that such anger lives within oneself sets up the show’s emotional turmoil. Because it took me years of therapy to overcome the guilt that comes from identifying with those acts and to feel that it was me as a man.
I feel very different from who I am now.
In therapy I understood that it was not my fault per se, my responsibility to do something about it.
Nothing reminds me of that lesson more than being a father.
And if my daughter looks like my wife and I, we are wild children ready to test our limits.
Living in the Canadian winter, it is inevitable that you will lose control of your car at some point. I once lost control on black ice and completed a 360 rotation on the highway on my way to work. I didn’t think. I just acted on what I learned in driving school.
If you’re driving a car and it starts slipping, you go and Move in the direction of the skid according to the flow of cars, no On the other hand. Even if it seems counterintuitive, doing so can help you regain control.
Anger is the black ice of emotion. We often find ourselves spiraling into anger before we can carefully realize that we are losing control. That’s why I found my mindfulness practice and daily meditation life changing.
My anger never goes away because I never stop experiencing life’s emotions, but through the practice of mindfulness I can create space between the stimulus (my wife and I are fighting, being exhausted with a sleepless toddler, running a business) and the response (thinking it’s time to end our marriage).
Know what the trigger is for so you can choose different reactions and actions. you.
Think of it like a giant pause button. matrix mode. You see a stimulus, pause for presence, and respond with intent. My daughter is not intentionally trying to disrupt our lives. My wife and I are not fighting because we no longer love each other. We’re dealing with the tornado nature like toddlers, running businesses, and being pushed to our limits.
If you plan to stay married, you should communicate your feelings in a respectful and constructive way. have understood. Easier said than done, but we need to believe that we are not inherently flawed and helpless.
My relationships have had their fair share of fights (stimulus) that have led to my destiny spiraling into believing it’s time to burn everything (reaction). With no pause between stimulation and reaction, the middle became a breeding ground for an unconscious toxic cocktail of guilt, shame, and a desire to escape the uncomfortable reality I was facing.
Let’s be honest. I wasn’t trying to change. Repairing a relationship without tools is nearly impossible. Through therapy, I have gained a greater understanding of the root causes of my emotional conflict and anger. We now have enough tool belts to comfortably use.
And that is where the power of mindfulness comes into play. You learn to know and trust yourself enough to tap into the greater energies around you and become calm in any situation. You see the black ice, you get behind the wheel, and you take control of the situation by constantly feeling its stimulus.
When faced with challenges, do you have the mental flexibility and self-awareness to stay centered, connected to the space between stimulus and response, and move forward in ways you can be proud of?
Or do negative monologues and conditioned thoughts force us to repeat the same destructive patterns, leaving us feeling guilty and ashamed and giving up in the face of difficulty?
I’m not saying I won’t get angry anymore. But I do my best not to drop rocket fuel on fire. By tackling the root of the problem – undiagnosed depression and Bipolar II – I now have a better understanding of how to deal with the emotional rollercoaster that previously felt out of my control.
Life is a lot like a stressful athletic competition. Your ability to react to other players’ actions without the emotional factor can often make the difference between smart or bad decisions and ultimately winning or losing the game.
The only difference is that the game of life is truly endless. If we stop improving and holding ourselves to a higher standard of how we present ourselves in the world, we will only lose. Taking full responsibility for one’s life can be intimidating, but it also creates a sense of personal freedom. Because in doing so, you can take action to become the person you know you can be.
To grow, you must choose to proceed carefully and Emotional streams and urges to anger, shame, guilt, no stay away from them. We need to accept these feelings, stop and recognize how they are triggered, and consciously choose a response that makes us feel better. In this way, you regain control of your life by freeing yourself from behavioral patterns that no longer serve you. Remember, practice makes progress.