Common Relationship Check Mistakes to Avoid
Finally, let’s discuss potential traps to watch out for. Otherwise, relationship check-ins can start to feel like a chore at best and just another opportunity for discussion at worst.
don’t bring up all the problems at once
Instead, pick one meaningful thing you want to work on and trust that next time you’ll work on something else.
don’t expect miracles
Relationship check-ins alone do not solve all problems. If you’re facing a larger issue, or if you’re stuck on one topic, it may be time to reach out to outside support.
don’t forget to celebrate
Our brains are hardwired to notice things. No work – it is called negative biasHelpful for problem-solving and innovation, but left unchecked it can damage relationships.
Sometimes it takes effort to see what already works, but it’s important to give yourself credit. Always find things to appreciate and celebrate in your relationship.
Don’t Let It Drag On
When your check-in turns into an hour or more of in-depth research each week, you can start to get mad at them. Worse than each other. Often less is more, so keep it short.
This is not an opportunity to criticize your partner or point out all your flaws. If you have a complaint you want to raise, be clear about what you want and frame it as a request rather than an attack.
(And if you need help having a difficult conversation or navigating a conflict, our connection conflict correspondence courses for couples).
Don’t Say “Life Administrator”
Keep the daily life planning stuff out of your relationship review. Have another meeting beforehand. As the name suggests, check in on your relationship and focus on your relationship.
don’t drink too much alcohol
As tempting as it is to crack open an entire bottle of wine, doing too much good can backfire.
I’m not trying to be a fun cop here, but I know from experience that too many drinks can disrupt conversations.
don’t forget to have fun
When we first started Relationship Check-In, we combined it with tacos and card games. Did you look forward to your weekly Relationship Check-In? You bet!
As our lives and weekly rhythms change, so do our check-ins. We had a coffee date and snuggled up on the couch together during an afternoon walk in the park.
Check-in can be a little serious, but that’s okay. But overall, we want this to be a time for us to come together, connect, celebrate each other, and consciously work to make our relationship the best it can be.
And it will be fun!