The church is a mess. Christians sometimes do or say things that offend others. A Christian who is angry with another church member should go through the following process. Matthew 18 resolve disputes;
However, if the member does not listen, it is important that the member go to a leader and intervene. It is equally important to contact any Church leader, whether professional or private, if you have concerns about their moral conduct or theological views.
But leaders, like church members, may lack the emotional maturity to take responsibility for their actions.
To save face or seek the approval of others, some members persuade them that their concerns are invalid or unnecessary. What is gaslighting? What should Christians do when church leaders turn on gaslighting?
According to Merriam-Webster, gaslighting “is the psychological manipulation of a person, usually over an extended period of time, that causes the victim to question the validity of their thoughts, perceptions of reality, or memories, usually leading to confusion. ” is defined as These include loss of confidence and self-esteem, uncertainty of emotional or mental stability, and dependence on the perpetrator. ”
Examples of gaslighting include:
- denial of action
- Pretend conversation never happened
- words and actions do not match
- minimize or ignore behavior
Leaders sometimes use gaslighting as a tool to exercise power over someone else or to maintain power or authority. Most Christians are not familiar with the term gaslighting, as it is the term most counselors use, but gaslighting is a form of abuse.
It is an abuse of power and a form of emotional abuse. What should Christians do if they feel their leaders are gaslighting them?
1. Face it directly
It’s important to go head-to-head with leaders, even if their behavior is unfriendly. However, it’s important to have a witness to make sure your words aren’t twisted or manipulated to make it look like you’re wrong.
Clarify your complaint and explain what they are doing and why they are doing it. Leaders sometimes don’t know what they are doing. It’s important that you and Christian go and show them that.
Matthew 18:15-17 “If your brother or sister Sin and point out their mistakes between the two of you alone. If they listen to you, you won them. But if they would not listen, he would take one or two of hers and say, “Every matter is established by the testimony of two of hers or three of hers. “will do so. If they still won’t listen, tell the church. If they don’t even listen to the church, treat them like heathens and tax collectors. ”
2. Report to authorities
If he doesn’t want to listen to you, it’s best to go to the authorities above them. If they are part of a denomination, most denominations have a leader or someone above them who oversees the church.
Tell the director what’s going on and provide evidence if necessary. If possible, write the letter down so that you can give this evidence to the bishop if necessary.
If the conversation is over the phone, get permission to record the call and hand it over to the director as well.
3. Leave the Church
If you have tried all appropriate methods and no one is addressing your concerns, it may be best to leave the church altogether. It is always best to withdraw from.
Let leaders know about retirements and the reasons behind them. If you are a member of a church, let them know to remove your membership.
4. Ask for help
Get help from a counselor to help you get through emotional and psychological abuse.nevertheless Romans 12:18 God declares, “If it is possible, it is up to you to live in peace with anyone.”
God is a God of truth. If someone doesn’t listen to the truth, it’s best for your overall well-being to walk away from the situation.
They can offer tips and strategies on how to deal with the negative emotions associated with the event. They can also offer advice on how to proceed with the forgiveness process.
While we may not want to forgive someone based on their actions, we are commanded in Scripture to forgive others just as Christ has forgiven us. When we forgive, we are freed from anger and the actions of others hurt us.
We also give others the gift of freedom that Christ gave us through his death on the cross. Forgiveness not only sets the offender free, it also sets the offender free.
5. Don’t gossip
It may be tempting to gossip about the situation with other friends and family, especially those who are in the same church situation, but don’t make the situation worse by gossiping. It only creates discord and discord within the body.
It doesn’t make the situation better, and while it may make you feel better in the short term, it will only destroy your relationship in the long run. let’s
You don’t have to lie when your friends ask why you quit, but don’t tell them to quit just because you’re unhappy. God does not want us to resort to retaliation.
What does this mean?
Gaslighting is a form of abuse that has been allowed (and accepted) for many years. For Christians to develop self-awareness, love themselves as Christ loves them, and take the necessary steps to love others, establish firm boundaries and never gaslight again. must be
It’s important to point this out as soon as it happens so that others can recover. If the leader chooses not to change their behavior or acknowledge their behavior, it may be best to walk away from the situation altogether.
Report them to the higher ups and ask for the help you need to free yourself from your abusers and continue to walk freely like Christ Jesus.
For further reading:
Who Holds Pastors Responsible?
Why do people stop going to church?
What is a modern example of a “wolf in sheep’s clothing”?
What does Matthew 18 say about conflict resolution within the church?
Why Is Shame Tied to the Church?
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