75 days until I change my name from Miss to Mrs. I’m overwhelmed by the changes happening in my life, but more than that, I’m encapsulated in how much advice people are sharing this season.
When I was little, I dreamed of finding a prince and riding a white horse into the sunset. It was a fantasy, a fairy tale for princesses and beggars alike…until they grew up.
As a teenager, I never went on dates. Some might call it rude, but really, no one asked me out! Perhaps it was because I was shy around boys or acted like that freaky jumping spider you found in the bathroom and screamed for someone else to take care of it!
Jokes aside, I now know that the Lord saved my heart for someone special. I wanted to wait a lifetime with someone and praise the Lord before I got married.
small beginning
I met Ben at the end of my senior year of college. I didn’t know it at the time, but for the next five years, he quickly became a part of my life.
Our dating scene hasn’t always been easy. They were certainly not what I envisioned as the girl with Prince Charming. He is the prince I have been waiting for, the one with whom I will spend the rest of my days on this earth.
My anxiety grows as the wedding day approaches. Don’t get me wrong. I am ecstatic! Finding a place to live and transitioning to live with another human being is a joy I have long prayed for. But as the months and days pass by before I say “I do,” I’m also filled with my usual anxiety and fear. I’m sure you know exactly what you’re referring to.
In my question and answer, there were three recurring pieces of marriage advice. And if these are told to you, I want you to know you are not alone!
The intention behind these pieces of advice comes from heartfelt care and concern, but here’s what I want people to stop telling me about marriage.
1. Marriage is hard
Practically speaking, I can understand what the phrase “marriage is hard” means. As children, I think we grew up envisioning marriage as a faraway, mysterious land full of rainbows, sunshine, and puppies. It is possible. If he forgets to take out the trash the first time, or if there is a disagreement, tensions can build.
I’m not married yet, so I’m not going to pretend to know everything on the subject. However, I grew up in a home that was plagued by verbal and emotional abuse. When people tell me that marriage is difficult, I only think about the house I grew up in.
A door that closes with a bang. raging voice. Unresolved discussions were stifled for another day in hopes of being resolved. It’s safe to say I’ve seen chaotic and unhealthy marriages. I love my parents dearly. I know they raised me the best they could. Nobody is perfect. Even the best couples don’t. But no one should tell you that marriage is hard.
I know it’s not sunshine and rainbows every day.I know it’s not always easy. But I grew up seeing what a marriage shouldn’t be, so I know a great many things about what a marriage should look like. how it should look What I tolerate and what I don’t.
As Grandma’s memo once told me, “Marriage isn’t hard, Amber. At least it shouldn’t be. Sure, it has its ups and downs. Disagreements and moments of coming to terms with disagreements.” But marriage is good. A healthy marriage is about sacrifice and balance. It takes effort. Patience. Love and forgiveness. But it’s not difficult.
2. you fight
The second piece of advice people love sharing about marriage preparation is the assumption that you’re going to have a fight. I don’t think that saying that the partner fights is the most appropriate measure of shared love.
Again, I digress. I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional family. I know what unhealthy relationships and boundaries between men and women look like. Still, this comment about my fiancé and I quarreling simply doesn’t help.
I’m not naive like many people think.even the pole 1 Corinthians 7 It teaches that marriage is not for everyone, and moments of marital frustration are sure to occur. I’m engaged to Ben, but during her five years together, we’ve shared arguments. Almost a ‘he said, she said’ moment of desperation that really wasn’t that big of a deal. But even in the worst of disagreements and heartbreaks, we are not fighting.
Early on in our relationship, Ben and I felt like we had a DTR (defining relationship) moment every week or month. But what Ben and I value most about our relationship now is the resilience, perseverance, and love that Christ allowed us to grow in this experience. is.
Yes, Ben and I often disagree. So does every couple. But the key is resilience and willingness to solve these problems. We make a promise to each other and to God that we will talk to each other about our problems. not someone else.not family but we talk each other. Once you have shed light on the subject, take the time to talk about it, listen to someone else’s point of view. don’t yell No more slamming doors. We never raise our voices. Do not throw objects or hit people.
After all, there are still many things we simply have to agree on in order to disagree. This was another piece of advice from my grandma that I often cling to. But God never said that he had to agree 100% with whom we would marry. You said that you should love and cherish it like your own body. I’m still learning how to do this well, but if we keep Christ at the center of our relationship and remember who the true enemy of our problems is (not each other) It’s not Satan), and I’m sure we can avoid many fights.
3. The first year of marriage is the hardest
The last piece of unsolicited advice I wish people would stop telling people about marriage is that “the first year is the hardest”. I have no idea what this experience will be like, nor do I pretend to know. But as someone with anxiety and depression, I’m sure it will continue to be overwhelming and inspiring.
The premise that the first year of marriage is the hardest comes from the belief that two people blend their lives together for the first time. Ben and I are Christians and we live at home with our family all the time (we even commute to college this way) so this will definitely be a wake-up call. Most days I am unsure if I am ready to live with my opposite species and how he will behave. Living with a woman who is emotional and cries almost every day About , Ben would say the same thing.
Yet we know that the path we have taken is God’s plan and that He will bless our lives. We have chosen to pursue marriage the right way. We have never lived together until we have taken our vows, put on our rings, and made promises to God before mankind. But I choose respect for God over comfort for man. It’s better to be surprised when you get married than to insult God just to ask for something unknown.
Over the past five years, Ben and I have been through a lot. TRUE Difficult thing. I’m tempted to say it’s something many couples haven’t faced yet. Everyone has their own battles and challenges. But only God really knows our story and beyond. God only knows how the rest of our lives will play out.
Ben and I will face many challenges in our first year of marriage.But it is accurate to say that we probably will every day single year. As long as resilience, grace, love, and forgiveness pave the way, I don’t think one can necessarily outperform the other.
75 days feels like a long time now, but I know it will go away quickly. Without experience, you are limited in what you can do.
For all my friends who are in this similar season, know that I see you and stand with you. Only you, your partner and God know how it will all turn out. And with Christ by your side and in your relationship, you will conquer even the most unknown and uncertain situations.
Be blessed today and forever knowing that someone who died to love you is preparing you for eternal love here on earth and in heaven. without. You probably shouldn’t, regardless of what was said.
agape, amber
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