It was straight out of a fairy tale.
Flowers. fancy dinner. A declaration of how special our connection was.
I was on cloud nine. sale. Will join. all participate.
Until the frequency of the messages decreased. Then my efforts to plan began to wane.
I waited with bated breath for him to return my texts, see me, and show me that he still cared. I started replaying interactions if I did something wrong.
Maybe I was too curious. Maybe I texted too many? What was my outfit on the last date? it must be me
After two weeks of total anxiety, I decided it must be over and lost my chance with Mr. Perfect. We stopped texting and having conversations.
And when I started pulling away, who do you think came back full force?
It seemed time had passed. He came back and he was dying to see me. He showered me with sweet messages about how happy I made him and how much he missed me.
I’m on cloud nine again.
Until this hot/cold cycle repeats 7 more times. I realize now – I was love bombed.
What is Love Bomb?
Love bombing is the use of excessive affection, exaggerated gestures, and promises for the future as manipulation tactics. , or a period of abuse follows.
Love bombing is used by narcissists to feed on your validation. When they get a solution, whether it’s attention, sex, affection, resources, or whatever they’re after, they become cold, distant, or mean.
Signs You’re Love Bombing
1. The intention is to get something out of you, not a genuine connection.
Love bombers take advantage of romantic targets to give them validation and attention, gaining power over them. Its intent is to exercise and maintain control and power over you.
2. Not love at first sight. It’s a projection at a glance.
It’s impossible for someone to get to know you very well in the first few dates. There are no shortcuts. Someone who barely knows you proclaiming that you are that person or making grand promises about your future is a red flag.
3. Hot and cold.
Often grand gestures such as fancy gifts, fancy dinners, and romantic words make them stronger. But then they grow cold, their daily communication weakens, and sometimes they disappear altogether. .
4. They treat you like a “conqueror”.
The concept of “conquest” is explained in the book Breakup Bootcamp. I came up with this theory to explain that when someone has a plan in their head, perhaps it’s to get a trophy partner, or really want to be married by the age of X. When you meet them and tick enough boxes, they connect you to their plans. You become a means to an end. In the process, they dehumanize you because you are an object built into their master plan. It’s not about connecting and getting to know you as a human being – it contains flaws and imperfections.
How to stop love bombing
1. Use boundaries to stop love bombing.
If you’re starting a relationship and find that they’re getting very strong with romantic overtures, don’t just react to the pace they’re setting. If the person is committed to building a healthy connection, they won’t rush you or pressure you.
2. Don’t make them the center of your world (and schedule) before trust is built.
Please don’t cancel your friends. Don’t change your schedule to see them. If you don’t have a schedule that makes you feel connected and grounded, it’s easier to fill the empty space with a new romantic interest. Instead of seeing someone in a healthy rhythm, she starts seeing them five times a week. Before I knew it, I was obsessed with everything that had to do with my beloved.
3Do not outsource your verification to this person (or your romantic partner).
Yes, it feels great when someone looks up to you and makes you feel special. you from all other options. For a narcissist, the desire to feel special and gain self-esteem is sweet.