I started ministry for single mothers almost 20 years ago and have had the opportunity to speak to thousands of single mothers across the United States. Over the years, I’ve done a lot of Q&As and, of course, regular questions about sex, dating, and loneliness. , and future companions appear frequently. But lately, I’ve been amazed at the number of conversations in which the word “narcissist” appears. So I started doing a little research. Sure enough, narcissism seems to be on the rise – or at least it charts as such. According to the National Institutes of Health, there is a pandemic of narcissism in modern Western societies, rising from 12% in 1963 to 1992. It is reported to have increased to 77% in 2016. In its simplest interpretation, a 2021 Ohio State University study defines narcissism as “entitled self-esteem.” But why rise?
Was it the helicopter parenting of the 1980s and 1990s, where children realized their parents’ world revolved only around them and backfired? Did the promotion of YouTubers, likes, clicks and followers finally catch up with us? Did you pick up on their egos? New Ageism, paganism, self-worship, truth is just “your truth”, not the undeniable truth of the Creator of heaven and earth, there is no doubt that the world will move to every culture. This trend continues.
So how do you identify if you may be dating a narcissist? Here are eight clues. No single hint will just tell you that you are dating a narcissist, but their combination is a clue!
1. Narcissists obsess over success
Their importance is defined by their achievements. It matters to them how quickly they climb the corporate ladder, gain a social media following, or reach their goals. They may list their résumés of accomplishments early in the relationship in hopes of impressing you. And you might cite your résumé for your achievements in social situations.
2. Narcissists want to be recognized for their attractiveness.
Caring about one’s appearance is certainly not an obvious sign of narcissism, but obsessing over it can be. Most important. It’s important to recognize them as the most attractive in the room. Designer cars, clothes, and fine jewelry are often of particular importance to complete that ‘look’.
3. Narcissists want to be recognized as heroes
First impressions are of immense kindness, courtesy and chivalry. They are often charismatic and well-liked by the general public because many people cannot discern their true personalities. I would like to be recognized as They’ll say things like, “I can’t believe someone treated you like that before.” However, this hero’s persona is short-lived, and manipulation usually occurs shortly thereafter. (Note: The problem is that many are caught up in early heroism and the tide hasn’t turned!)
4. Narcissists want to be accepted and needed
They fish for compliments and need recognition for their work. They want you to recognize when they washed your car, helped the elderly woman across the street, or volunteered at a soup kitchen. They keep a record of their service to you and others and will probably bring it up again. If the car breaks down and you are left on the side of the road, this is a great benefit for the narcissist. Because the need for rescue increases, and the fact that you can’t live without them becomes even more solid. But for them you will not survive.
5. Narcissists hold grudges
The Word teaches that love does not record faults (1 Corinthians 13:5), but it does. They remember what you did and said. And they will try to get you back. they want you to pay They may strategize how to do so and continue their revenge for some time. they didn’t forget. Forgiveness is difficult for them. They want someone to pay for their pain and suffering.
6. Narcissists crave power and control
This is a given. They want to take the lead and go to great lengths to do so. It is much more difficult for them to follow others. They want to control their environment (and yours), and that can manifest through an obsession with organization, speed, or organization. They tend to overreact when they are out of control or when things aren’t going the way they were previously predicted.
7. Narcissists are very envy
Often it should be placed on top of everything. In fact, many people separate you from God. They don’t say it this way, but they need to be worshiped above all else. They promote idolatry in this way. They do not seek God reciprocally with you. They want to be gods to you. They may be active in the Church (because this is a potential place of power), but they are not looking for a deep relationship with the King. They want to control your relationship with the Lord.
8. A narcissist truly believes they should have whatever they want.
They are the epitome of “I” culture. what about me? They expect those around them to be submissive to ensure that everything is always about them. how did they feel? how were they treated? Were they served first? Were they the first to be considered? Their world revolves around them.
But there’s a really important part in understanding what’s going on here. Read 1 Kings. Read 2 Kings. Read Revelation. Narcissism is nothing but the Jezebel spirit. The Jezebel spirit isn’t just about gender, it’s not narcissism either. Men and women alike suffer from this. We must first realize that we are not fighting an enemy of flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12). We are fighting evil rulers and authorities in an unseen world. Sadly, most of us are not fully aware that there is a spiritual war going on that easily deceives us and robs us of our joy. Do not wrestle with meat.
All of you who are single must take responsibility for your dating life and stop ignoring the red flags when the Holy Spirit guides and guides you. Stop trying to fix and advise how to get out of a narcissistic relationship. Stop ignoring warning signs and making excuses for your actions. Stop dating narcissists. stop marrying them. Don’t be fooled into thinking you can fix it with patience. This requires humility, submission to the Lord, and walking with Him in total freedom. Unfortunately, many do not do this. Don’t sign a marriage contract with them, single. It gets a lot more complicated – just ask any heartbroken divorcee. God has a lot more for you. There are plenty of good Christian men and women out there.
Photo credit: ©GettyImages/bee32
Jennifer Maggio A mother of three, Jeff’s wife, and founder of the national non-profit The Life of a Single Mom Ministries. She is the author of her four books including: church and single motherShe was named one of America’s top 10 most influential people in 2017 and 2015 by Dr. John Maxwell and has made hundreds of media appearances, including: new york timesFamily Talk Radio with Dr. James Dobson, Joni and Friends, and many more.
