4. Be sensitive to triggers
When we turn to our partner with complaints or demands about our needs, one of the most common reactions is to be defensive or turn away.
Is it because they are assholes?
See, it’s certainly possible. But in most relationships, there are more caring reasons.
they are triggered.
What you said caused them anxiety and unresolved emotional wounds.
When you request to spend more time together, it sounds like:
“You’re not doing enough. You’re a failure.”
When you tell them that you are unhappy in your marriage, they hear:
“You don’t make me happy because you’re not good enough for me.”
That is why resentment breeds resentment. When you try to communicate your hurt, your partner gets hurt. They react and hurt you even more. This is a toxic cycle that is difficult to break.
But if you notice your partner becoming defensive and responding with empathy, and you can reassure them of any triggers or anxieties, you’ll be better prepared to have a much more productive conversation.
